Haven't posted all weekend so this thread is likely at on page 6 or 7 in the forum! Time to bump it!
So sandi2 was right (well, sort of). The MC session was not fun. I mostly sat back and listened since my position on the situation really hasn't wavered. This forced my wife to open up and reveal a few things that I didn't really know. Here's a summary:
1. Despite how cordial and friendly we are with each other these days she still feels like the marriage is strained. That we're basically just roommates.
2. She is conflicted because she doesn't like this feeling of our marriage being strained. She knows that she asked me to give her space and I am complying, but she's unhappy with the distance that her request creates between us. In other words, she wants two different things at the same time.
3. She is genuinely unhappy. Not just with me, but with life. And although she is a great mom, this unhappiness includes our kids. She feels like she's being held back. She's bored. She has aspirations for starting a new business but knows that there's just no time in our lives right now. So she often reverts to "auto pilot" to get through the day. (btw, she must be REALLY good at this auto pilot thing because I could list at least 10 times in the past week when she seemed genuinely happy in my presence and in the presence of our kids.)
4. She recognizes that she tends to take an "all or nothing" approach to everything. And if she wants to find happiness in her current situation, she has to figure out how to find a happy medium between extremes that she can live with.
5. She IS paying attention to all of the changes I've made in the last few weeks (a combination of GaL, 180, and "manning-up" ...refer to the previous 8 pages of this thread). She vocalized that she is appreciative and impressed.
So after all that we were both pretty drained. But it's amazing how easily you can change your mood when you already have a sitter in place and don't want to go home. So I said, "Well look, we're both hungry and we could probably both use a drink. I could drop you off at one place and go to another place, but how about we just go together instead." This lightened the mood immediately and we ended up at a bar having a couple cocktails and some comfort food. We didn't talk about the MC session, but instead tried some "fund to ponder" type questions like, "What would you do tomorrow if you had no responsibilities for 24 hours?" or "If you could switch careers tomorrow what would you do?" All in all, the evening ended on a better note than it started on.
The rest of the weekend was pretty normal. I took the kids to church again, and again my W decided not to come. I didn't argue at all. I'll just try again next week.
So that's me on a Monday morning everybody. Still working the plan and trying to stay motivated and positive.
Feedback is always appreciated.
Her responses in MC tells me she needs IC. Life isn't perfect. Well, no sh*t. Nobody's life is perfect. She's saying all the things a spouse says before they bolt. She's not unhappy with you, the kids, the marriage....she's unhappy with herself. She's unhappy that all of you are not making her happy with herself. She needs IC before she ruins the best part of her life just because she's unsure about who she is.
