What should I be doing now (Time to Move on?)

[Coconut]

Man, sometimes opening up on here is rough, I feel like i'm going to disappoint you, but I've always wanted to be completely open and honest in what i'm going through, I don't see any reason to be here otherwise.

It's been a interesting last couple of weeks. I ended communication with the M female friend that I had developed feelings for, and decided that I am going to file for D about two weeks ago. And then I went on a vodka diet and lost at least 3 days... yesterday was my first day without getting wasted in the last two weeks.

Not the healthiest way to handle myself, but definitely made for a real eye opener. Now I didn't go hide in a room for two weeks (although I wanted to), I still went to work (minus two days I called out sick)and still went to dinner or small outings with family, but when I knew my schedule was clear for the rest of the day, I started drinking at home. Every day I woke up feeling like crap, and every night after I was wasted I asked myself what the heck I was doing, but yet the cycle repeated... I imagine that is what some who drink every day for years feel like, not wanting to do it and knowing they shouldn't, but yet continue the daily cycle non-the less.

Anyway, yesterday I decided I was done. I canceled the plans I had and decided that I needed to spend the day at home and not drink. I walked around the neighborhood, went fishing in the neighborhood lake, watched some TV and cleaned around the house. Basically starting to train my brain on doing things around the house without pouring a drink.

If I can't go at least the next two weeks without drinking, i'll be looking up AA for assistance with making sure I don't go down that path.

I'm not sure if I did it just because I could (single, living alone, no responsibility) or because I'm sad and was masking the pain. There has been no crying, I don't think of WW much and I don't think I would ever go back even if the opportunity presented itself (although I do miss my son and dogs)...

As for today, I feel great, going to the gym with a friend after work, and shopping for my contribution to thanksgiving dinner.