Greetings, I have read the SSM and am planning on reading the divorce busting book soon. I have read over much of this form and it has been helpful. My situation has some unique features to it and I think now is a good time to tell my story here. I thank anyone who takes the time to give me any advice. Things start in January of this year. W and I have always been very close. We do everything together and have 2 kids. Married 18 years with no more issues than occasional fights. Sex almost every day. In January I started to feel like sex time was a little different but ignored it. Wife tells me she has “rape” fantasys and wants me to take her more forcefully. This is not really my nature but I agreed to try it carefully with her. Tried 4 or 5 times over the next few months. She seemed to like it. I was ok with it but don’t prefer it. Wife and I practiced coitus interruptus for birth control and it worked for us for many years. Foolishly, I decided to count her cycle and then leave it in right before her period to try and enhance sexy time with a surprise. She got pregnant so I either counted wrong or she ovulated very late. She surprised me with how upset she was. We did not want a 3rd kid but I assured her that I would take care of it and it would be ok. She insisted on abortion and I agreed to help her get this done. This was her 7th abortion (6 other abortions before I met her) So I accidentally tapped into a very dark place for her. Abortion was 7 months ago in April without complication and she healed quickly. Sex stopped completely and I was patient with this. She initiated sex a few times over the next few months but then screamed at me after and said that she hated me. She stopped wearing our wedding ring. I got anxious and I definitely made a few mistakes during this time. I did not beg though and tried to be patient. I did pretty good at backing off and giving space but I would try to “convince” her things were ok occasionally which always backfired badly as she said I was trying to control her. Daytime mostly continues normally and she is surprisingly nice to me. I tried to initiate sex a few more times and she consented but told me she hated me after and wished I was dead. I left her alone for a few more months and then asked her to wear our wedding ring again. I asked her to at least try to be together again. She did not take this well and after argument I took mine off as well (trying to show acceptance) I promise no attempt at sex for a month. During this time I realize that she is flirting online with a B list celebrity that she has had a crush on since she was teenager. I realized that the flirting actually started before she got pregnant and we were having problems. Lucky for me, he is not responding to her but he just chats back about the regular topics. I realize she is somewhat delusional about where this is going. She has a pretty popular twitter feed for her art and she keeps making him art and posting it there. Her replies indicate that she thinks their relationship is closer than it apparently is. I realize over the next few months that she had picture of me in her head that is way worse than I actually am. She has “forgotten” anything good I have ever done and “remembers” the few bad things in much worse detail that is true. She blames me for things that I did not do at all. I have mostly been going with this. I had apologized for things I didn’t do and taken more responsibility than I should have. She has told me she hates me, has no trust and that I am a murderer. She tells me that I hurt her on purpose(I did not) I have mostly let this go. The most bizare thing is that most days she is very nice and you would not know that anything was wrong. It took months to piece together the picture in her head. The kids have not noticed a thing (which I am very grateful for) Where do I go from here? Effectively, I am unable to talk about it at all with her. If I even mention counciling she will fly into a rage. I miss my wife and want to make amends. I’m pretty sure she would leave me if the opportunity presented itself. I don’t want to lose her or my children. I have tried very hard to be honest and impartial in telling my story. I would be happy to provide more details if someone thinks that it would help. Should I try to demonstrate pulling away from her? I have been working on acceptance within myself but I don’t really want to just sit back and lose her. Thank you for reading this far. I look forward to your replies.
