Focus on Me and the Boys 10

[Georgia Bulldogs]

I gave him lots of hugs and said that we both love him and things will be ok and that if the anger comes back that he can come and talk to me and we will figure out how to get rid of the anger. I told him I will always be there for him.

Try not to speak for your ex-wife here. Her cheating and abandonment of these fairly recently adopted children is a pretty good indication that she doesn't really love them all that much. I'm not saying disparage her --- just don't speak for her when you say "we both love him". Instead it's just "I love you - I will always be honest with you and I will always be there for him".

I know sometimes you think giving in and "being the bigger person" might be helpful but consider the fact that your ex-wife cheated and abandoned you AND those children as a pretty good indication also that you truly are the only parent (and person in the world) your children are ever going to experience as "always there for them".

Remember what I said earlier on this thread. Toronto is just a couple years temporary assignment and then you are going back to michigan. Never indicate that you might have the option to stay or extend it. Never say "we'll see how it goes" like this is a trial for a possibly permanent thing. Sure, you may be able to quit your job (and give up benefits and all that which would be silly to do with all those children) or you might be able to make the stay longer through your company --- but that is a decision to weigh all by yourself several years down the road. I've seen way too many of these situations where the wayward divorcing spouse never becomes a healthy normal respective parent or co-parent and I believe consistent exposure to such unhealthy parent (as opposed to almost vacation type exposure to them over summer and holiday breaks) is much more damaging to children.

For example, after visitation, your kids come back tired, angry and unruly. Their whole ritual has been interrupted and mom has pumped them full of insidious lies and mental poison. It's very difficult for you to handle things for several days or even a week after but soon the ritual returns and the consistent loving environment brings about a normalcy.

I think you'll find being in Toronto will bring about a never ending stream of unsettledness and psychological stress upon your children AND YOU as you exchange custody of the children several days a week and try to coparent with a terrorist.

Maybe things will get better later - much later and that would be more likely to occur if and when she ends her adulterous affair; but, until then she'll remain a monster that will never appreciate or give you an ounce of credit that you moved to her country so "her" kids could be with their "mother". I can't already hear her telling people you did it because once you found out you couldn't control her by taking custody of the kids, you couldn't handle custody alone and didn't really care all that much about the kids anyway so you moved there get her help (and grandma's help). She also thinks you are doing it because Princess Narcissist thinks she's God's gift to the world and that you are chasing her.

Again - you are the only "PARENT" those boys have. One parent is better than a crazy mom and a dad half in the bag trying to cope with crazy mom TOO (they are gong to have to put up with her emotional abuse a lot longer than you).

Listen to others - parallel parenting. Online calendar. No more debating during emails. The kids shouldn't live with her because that's not a nice thing to do to those children. Do not waiver.