Leaving Castle Caladan

[Zues126]

Thank you J. Very affirming message. XW is pretty dismissive of me as the 'play dad' and looks at herself as the 'real parent'. It means a lot to know there is more than that going on.

It was a big sacrifice to give up pool to start a family. I mean, I still play, but I gave up my chance to push for a world championship or something serious. People don't really understand what that means to give up. They just shrug and think, 'well, there are billions of people that aren't world champions, everyone else is in the same situation...' But that's not quite true. It's a little heartbreaking because it felt like God put me on this planet to achieve greatness with pool, it was my one task, the music I was supposed to write. And it was important, important enough that I played 10-12 hours a day for many, many years, pushing aside pain and hunger and fatigue because this is something I *HAD* to do. And instead I'll die with that music left unsung. In it's own way it is as sad as a divorce, just the desolation where a family used to be, and this feeling like "It wasn't supposed to be this way" that never really goes away.

But I'm glad I made the choices I made.

And I still get to play a little. I went to Chicago last week. It's funny, each day I played I played a bit better as the depths of the game consumed me. I wish I could say I was playing to inspire my children or something, but from about Thursday through this morning I didn't think about my kids even one moment. I was totally, totally, totally absorbed in the game.

Friday I got to playing pretty good, then there was a 9 ball tournament at Red Shoes yesterday. I got a good draw and made it to the final two, I was the favorite in my other few matches but I played great to put them to bed. Then I had to play a young man that is probably the best 9 ball player in Chicago to win the 'hotseat' (last man undefeated, double elimination format). He is only 17 but has been playing serious pool since he was 10 and is a true talent, possible future world champion. Watching him play I couldn't even picture beating him he looked so flawless. But that always makes me dig deep. I wanted to try to keep up with him. Race to 7 games, he had me down 3-1, playing superbly. Then I found a gear I haven't found in a LONG time, and I started playing truly inspired pool. From 3-1 I somehow won 7-4, running through difficult racks on a triple tough 9 foot table where every ball looked prohibitively difficult. Now I'd face the winner of the 'losers bracket' in a one set finals.

My buddy was doing well too. He lost his second match but plowed through the losers bracket beating a few of the top players in the field. He was in third playing this young man I just beat to get to second and the chance to play me in the finals. Race to 5, my buddy started off up 1-0, but then this guy practically ran 5 racks in a row without my friend getting a shot. It was truly stunning how good this man played. My buddy ended in third, and now I had to play this monster again for the title.

It meant a lot to me. If I lost, well, the first set was kind of meaningless. The prize money was a big difference, although not the real point. Most of all, I just wanted to get all the way to the finish line. I mean, 2nd and 3rd for me and my partner would've been great, but I really wanted it. But this guy was so strong. One set, race to 8 games. I had him 2-0, but without making an error he took it away from me, winning four in a row to go up 4-2. Then I got my chance. He had a chance to go up 5-2 but fumbled a shot. I ran out (4-3), then I broke and ran two racks in a row to get up 5-4. So that one mistake cost him three games. They were both really tough tables, one in particular was only possible because I was just on the edge of reality, forgetting about percentages and finding ways to get the outcome I wanted even when the balls would suggest it wasn't possible. We got to 7-5 and I admit I missed a chance to put him away. But at 7-6 we had a great defensive battle and I hit a shot of the tournament that was a GREAT shot to end with, and it earned me the game, set and match.

This was a meaningful win to me. Playing a champion on their home tables in and out of state tournament and getting there in two sets. And playing some inspired, inspired pool. I realized I haven't played that good since my divorce. And the reason is that I haven't been travelling and playing as much. When I play locally I don't get pushed to that level, and then I forget that I can play at that level. So I start expecting less at the table from myself, and I lose faith and belief. When I play regular events against world class competition my magic comes out more often, and I begin to expect and depend on it. So it was awesome to know my magic isn't dead, my best days aren't all behind me. And I look forward to when life settles down a little and I can play bigger events more regularly.

I left Chicago at around 9, and I was so pumped and full of adrenaline that I drove us straight home. I got home at 4AM and went to sleep around 5. Boom. I don't think I batted an eye on the way home. Shots running through my head, replaying decision after decision, heart pounding, etc. Good times.

Finally woke up and getting back on track. Now I get to watch game 7 of the world chess championships between Carles and Karjakin, this is becoming a legendary match too. Starting now, so I have to run.

Can't wait to see the kids this week, then next weekend is the chess tournament. I'm as excited for that as I was for mine! OK, I'm late, talk soon gang!