Hi Cil, no 2x4s from me for a lengthy post about your XH....it was an interesting read I thought. Firstly I'd like to say kudos to you for spending that kind of time calmly with him. I know my sitch is different (and XH is distant in every way) but I think I would struggle to cope with that. I take my hat off to you.

Yes, as you say - he does seem a bit weird just now and displaying some classic MLC traits - exhaustion, depression, ill at ease with himself and others, self-focus and irritability. He certainly doesn't appear to be enjoying what life has to offer just now.

You know, in so many ways it is so much better to be the one who was abandoned. For us, we work through the dreadful initial crisis and we try to restore the M, then we deal with the grief, we do some rebuilding of ourselves and our lives. I do think the crisis has helped me appreciate so much of what life has to offer and that is such a gift.

Some MLCers will also go through a similar process. But if you think about it, we were forced into that unwelcome process and I suspect the same would be said of them....things have to get really rough (ie: you feel you are going completely under) in order for that kind of trauma growth to happen.

Your story about XH and the auditor resonated with me. The part about him really not wanting you to chime in. The last time I spoke to XH, he told me about some work he had done, where he came into contact with eminent people. I said something like - oh wow, that must have been really interesting.

Then he kept saying - these are Supreme Court Judges Sotto! - like I really hadn't been effusive enough. And I said - oh yes wow - what an honour...or something like that. But just weird how he really pressed his story and really pushed for a suitable scale of response from me. I recalled after that convo, he hadn't even asked a basic - how are you doing? Such is the self-focus of MLCers...

Anyway, it sounds as though you navigated what could have been a difficult event with your usual balance and grace - so well done to you.

Xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus