D and MLC

[ciluzen]

Seeing Lifestwists most recent post and the my seeing my XH yesterday have me in an interesting state of mind right now. Not a negative one in any way, just thoughtful. So I'll journal a bit.

I had planned on Christmas shopping with my D26 yesterday. At some point during the week, she felt the need to ask her dad if he was going to be in town since she would like to see him, too (she lives an hour away and works crazy hours-a full time job and two side jobs). He decided to meet up with us to shop and we ended up doing lunch/late dinner together. She made sure I was ok with that, and then expressed that he has been kind of "weird" lately. Couldn't explain how. So, here are my observations and thoughts. I'll try not to mindread.

1) He walked into the store we were in and waited until I had moved away from D26 to approach. I saw him come in (she didn't) and realized he was milling around so I purposefully moved away from her. He then quickly walked up to her. He did not really acknowledge me when I joined them and would only look at me in short glances and side glances.
I busied myself shopping away from them because she had said she wanted his help picking out a snowboard for her H, but he wandered off to look at gloves (I was at the other end of that section). As he got closer and closer to me, he finally made a comment about some to me with one of his quick upward glances. I ended up showing him a picture I had taken of my purchases at a ski sale. He was surprised that I went and also surprised that I had finally bought a helmet. He seemed very tired and ...uncomfortable?

2) D then needed help with buying ski pants for her H. We had two young sales guys helping her as she was trying to figure out if the pants would fit her H. XH kept saying he was the same height and he could try them on. Her H is 6ft tall and slender. Both sales guys would have been good fits. But D let her dad try on the pants. He is just under 6 ft and has a bit of a belly right now...not bad, but a bit bigger than her H. He didn't seem to realize this, though. It was kind of strange. He seemed almost irritated that she didn't immediately ask him to try them on.

3)We had agreed to pitch in on her H's snowboard and each gave her money to do so. As she moved away I asked him if he would go in on a jacket that she wanted. He agreed to it and then wanted to show me some womens ski pants that he had accidentally bought (mis-labeled) at the ski sale, so we went out to his car together. He was going to let her have them. I'm so used to this self assured, cocky guy. He was so timid and almost shy. I kept thinking ...broken.

4)At lunch/dinner, two things were very weird. He got onto the subject of being audited and having to pay back-sales tax on business equipment. I let him talk (my new habit) and did empathize with him (it was something his accountant should have caught). He was able to make eye contact the whole time through this. But at one point I wanted to say something and he steam-rolled rightover me. I tried to say it again (just a similar thing that happened to my friend who is in the same profession) and he talked over me with more FORCE. I tried again and he talked over the top through gritted teeth. I got the message. He just wants to be heard.
He is so angry underneath his mask. It doesn't take much for him to transfer it to me. I get that, and I just let it go til he talked it out.

5) The other weird thing? The restaurant we were in is owned by a client of my D (she does advertising and social media). When our food arrived, she announced we should move in for a picture. H held his hand up and said "Wait! What is this for?" When she explained it was to go on social media, I explained she could tag his business FB (he doesn't have his own). He said "No!" Very forcefully. She asked if she could just take a picture of us, and he again said no. Ok, then. This is the guy that used to always want pictures of himself...

Anyway, we split the bill and paid for D's food. I, oddly, was the only one who had a drink. That surprised me, too. XH usually orders something...or 2 somethings. When we walked out I gave her a big hug and left. I didn't even say goodbye to XH; although still standing by D it was as if he was already walking away.

Except for the weird things, it was a decent time. XH cracked a few jokes like he used to, but weakly. I commented that he looked a bit tired at one point and he admitted he was exhausted. His difficulty making eye contact and seeming discomfort with the me, or us, was new. But XH is lost right now. I agree with D. He is weird. But I believe his depression is starting to crack the mask.

I know this was a long post about XH, but I have chosen to put MLC related stuff on this thread. I think it belongs here. I get to talk about me in the Surviving forum. And "me" is actually getting happy...with who I am.