I cannot get over missing my husband

[Cristy]

Hi Job and Cristy

I really appreciate your advice. I'll be meeting the business partner (P) for a coffee outside the office. I am a partner as well but don't work in the office and not working at all since this happened. P is also a friend, close to my H and not so close to me. But he is a really decent guy. He and his wife have socialized a few times with us over the past many years and my H plays golf regularly with him and, of course, sees him everyday in the office. I haven't been in touch with him or his wife since H left because I know H has shared his version of what is going on. There is a good chance that P will ask questions about the kids and me and how we are getting on...I'm pretty sure he knows we are not OK...so how do I deal with the questions? I will try and stick to business only but I am a lousy liar and if he asks more probing questions...??? xx

Hello sosad55,

There is no need to share any info about yourself or the kids with your business partner. If he asks, you could confidently and politely thank him for his concern and say that you would rather not discuss it. period.

You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be.
Please call me to discuss our coaching program. The advice you will receive will be invaluable. Learn what to say and do, in a positive, productive manner. Our number is 303-444-7004

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Sotto]

I would say practice 100 times saying - 'we're doing okay thank you....now can we talk about the XYZ business thing??'

Ie: brief response, change the subject. Let's him know you aren't keen to have THAT chat - business only. Please note - whatever you do - don't confide in him. He is your H's friend and everything will likely get straight back to your H. Only let him see 'together' you, with your business head on.

Best of luck...:-) x

[peacetoday]

Great story about your parents friends

Some will return or try to

Nothing wrong with being positive and expecting a good outcome and
either way , It will be a good outcome..you will see

[sosad55]

Thanks everybody for you advice,

Question please - my husband finally emailed me and offered to help find some paperwork that he thinks I will need for visas for the kids and me...I don't really need his help...so do I accept to make him feel involved/helpful or just let him know politely that I have sorted it myself?

xx

[job]

This is a very easy question to answer. If you've sorted out the situation, then you let him know that you've taken care of the matter. I would say "h, thank you for offering to assist me w/locating the paperwork, but I've taken care of the matter".

There is nothing wrong in being honest w/him if you've taken care of the matter. It's how you respond/react to his offer. Actions speak louder than words.

[sosad55]

Thanks Job - I did as you suggested...short but cordial.

[sosad55]

I met with my husband's business partner (P) yesterday and it went OK. I asked him how my husband was coping with work and he said he was doing fine and seems relaxed and happy...that has sent me down into the dumps again because here I am so sad and miss him so much and he is relaxed and happy??!! It just doesn't feel like he even misses us at all. How can you not miss a family that you have been the center of for three decades, that you saw everyday, and worked hard to look after??!!

[sosad55]

I am in a real panic now...WAH just emailed me and asked to meet with me next week to discuss "us, kids and money". I am certain he wants to try to push for divorce and I'm not strong enough mentally to discuss that - what do I do???? I'm fine money wise atm, kids old enough he can talk to them himself if he was concerned and I do not want to discuss us unless it's to work on us...what do I do???

[job]

First...breathe! Calm down and stop trying to mind read why he wants to meet up with you. It could be any number of things, i.e., the holidays, etc. I would certainly ask for more clarification on what he wants to discuss that that you are better prepared and not walking into an ambush of divorce talk.

Let me just say this, none of us are/were ever ready to discuss divorce...but in many cases it happened. However, the more prepared you are for that dreaded conversation, the better. So, I would go to the meeting and if he brings up divorce, I would phrase my comments very carefully and say "H, I am sorry that you feel that way. However, I will need some time to think about this and I'll get back to you when I've had time to digest everything that you have brought up today." I wouldn't get into any kind of argument or heated discussion w/him about reconciling, etc. If the conversation starts to go south, look at your watch and tell him you've got to go that you have something that you need to do.

Breathe!

[sosad55]

I appreciate your wise advice as always, Job, Thank you again.

I am still very weepy and I know any meeting with WAH would go south very quickly...so I sent him a polite email saying I didn't think there was anything urgent that needed to be discussed at this time and that I was trying to get on with my life and trying to come to terms with what had happen. Seeing him made the process harder and I would appreciate some space to deal with it same as I had given him space. What do you think??

He is still traveling all over the place like a madman with GF - pretty much every weekend to a different country and I don't see any point in having an 'us' discussion while he is still in manic 'running away' frame of mind. It would just hurt me too much. I cannot bare to see him sitting there looking at me as if he feels nothing at all. And I sure don't want a divorce discussion hanging over my head during the upcoming holidays...

Did I do the right thing? Please advise...xx