Under a Big Umbrella

[HaWho]

Same old crazy over here. H is talking a lot lately and is trying his hardest to pick fights with me.

He's back to doing that rude thing where he starts a conversation and categorically excludes me. So he'll say: "s11, today in the news I read x" even though I am standing right there, too. And then he discusses it like I don't exist.

Hot weirdo MLC topic of the week? There is evidence the planet can only be sustained for the next 1000 years. H would like to be cryogenically frozen while scientists search for other habitable planets. And then unfrozen in 1000 years. (Secretly, I am hoping he'll get a jump on the whole self-freezing process now.)

He is jittery and jumpy, too. His mind seems to be racing. He mentioned he just "has to get out of this house." Seems he still thinks he can outrun himself.

The worst thing is he is back to trying to start fights. This really reminds me of pre-BD. And of when my family was coming. At s's game, he came right up and sat next to me, cracking a joke. I said something funny back but from there it wasn't normal again.

We started talking about s13 and whether he should do x activity. We were in a loud sports arena and the acoustics are horrible. No one was around us. I say that I think s13 should do the activity and say a bit about why. H gets this wrinkled up face and in a hushed tone says "can we discuss this in private?" I look around totally confused. I tell him there is no one around us?!? (Even if there were we're talking about an after school activity in a loud arena, we're not plotting how we're going to abduct the kids off the bleachers.)

H says my face is all red and we need to stop talking?!? I ask how that's possible when 1 minute ago we were joking and laughing. He says let's talk in private.

This reminds me of when he shushed me!!!

So I say "well, it's never convenient for you." And I know I bristle. It just feels like he has to pick a fight or control this stupid conversation. He says "we can talk anytime in private" and he says I have an attitude. I probably did make a face because the whole thing was so bizarre.

He puts in his headphones. Then he gets up and goes elsewhere. His panties are all in a bundle. He steers clear of me for the whole game.

I enjoy the game. And here's a big difference: I mull it all over for 30 seconds flat and I know it was not a private conversation and I know I wasn't beet red. He's just trying to start stuff. Either he is about to do something he's going to feel guilty about or he's starting stuff because he's nervous about seeing family. Maybe both.

I do think he wants to find a reason to get angry at me so the can tell me not to go to his friend's house when we go back east. I think he's nervous about it.

The old me would have reacted and played right into this. I would have tried to reason with him. Then I would've lost patience and by the end, it would have have looked like it was all me, which is what he wants. I would have gone up, apologized, made peace, etc. Now? I see it exactly for what it is. It's snit time. I ignore it all and let him work through it himself.

At the end of the game, I compliment s. H does, too. And then h offers to buy s something. And he offers me something, too. That is new. Usually, he'd be in his snit a lot longer. He evens asks me a question rather than doing his PA ignoring routine.

We get home and I just leave the house for a bit. I think for the next month he is going to be picking fights just like he did before my family arrived.

This is usually when the real crazy stuff (as opposed to 'normal crazy') comes forward.