Esame - personally, I ditto Sotto. In fact, I might consider tossing a truth dart when your h criticizes how you live.
His way of living reminds me of "pop up" restaurants, "pop up" retail, etc. Suddenly a temporary store opens here and a unique restaurant temporarily opens there, etc. And then poof, when it's not convenient at that location they pop up elsewhere.
The spontaneity is fun when it's a restaurant or a neat retail store. It's not so appropriate to be a pop up dad. And, in my opinion, that's what he does when he "pops up." And it's so convenient to critique when he is not the one raising the kids by himself.
Perhaps for you, something politely stated like: "h, when you are here, it would be great if you could help. There is a lot of work to be done. However, if you cannot, then at least do not critique as I am here working very hard to raise these kids day in and day out."
I think this is a boundary issue. He doesn't get to leave and pop up parent in your space.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
