Seems to me you are looking at instant results sometimes
I want this to WORK and work RIGHT the FIRST time back.
No,you have NO control over this. Let go of expectation. Detach from the outcome.
I will certainly ask what her motive for Counseling is, W always asked for counseling, I refused.
Why ask for her motive, if she told you it could be different tomorrow. Until WW has sorted her stuff, defer rather than refuse. Start validating instead,this might be that your WW wants to know you heard.
I feel like If we choose wisely it'll help through her fog, perhaps not.
MC isn't to help one of the parties through fog. It is for two committed parties to work their R. Smacks of judement to me.
We are meeting tomorrow night.
Listen and validate. You have two ears and one mouth in that ratio.
We will discuss her motives for counseling,
No. You both need to be committed to MC. You aren't. I think sensibly so.
I am not jumping into anything. which is why I feel it is necessary to continue to live separately at least until we are both ready.
Yes. I agree you are not ready, you may wish to communicate IC has better value. VALIDATE.
This helps me continue my GAL 180s and set the pace.
Yes. You set the pace? Really?
I see your point of not laying it all out because it may scare her.
Validate
However, 1. I am confident if it does scare her off, then it's not meant to be & I will carry on without her.
Really? That's a heck of a lot of controlling and judgement in my book. Where is the listening, validation and lighthouse? My way or the highway?
2. I need OW and OM out of our lives.
Absolutely.
I refuse to even "date" or do counseling if OW is still in the picture. That's a waste of my time, love, energy!!!
MC is inappropriate in an A sitch in my book. You can't demand but you may choose to set a boundary on it. And lover, compassion and caring is never wasted. It is the higher ground.
Patience will be my biggest struggle.
Yes.
I can do that.
Can you really? Your observations and comments are very dogmatic about your wants.
Ever heard the expression, he who wants never gets?
Detach let go of expectation and outcome. Live your life be prepared to deal with WW with validation.
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Those are my thoughts.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
