Cherry. Just trying to get on with life

[Surfer]

Cherry

Re: "She wasn't just a friend, she 'WAS'.....". The key bit here, as you say, is 'WAS'. But perhaps this means she has left, couldn't hack it, was using him etc. Perhaps it means she 'WAS' special for a while to him but now is not. It could mean many things. In our sitch OM went from 'IS JUST A FRIEND' to 'WAS JUST A FRIEND". I have just had nearly an hour of nice chat and laughing on the phone with W. Our R is definitely improving - I still have too much attachment but it's going. What is working for me? LL's definitely work. So does NC and just having positive talk. Being kind and 'Smiling' even when just on the phone. In the meantime enjoy the time it is a gift. Your S will adapt over this short period. Don't forget you have lots of time. He won't necessarily even remember this stuff he's very young. I think my earliest memories are 4 so you should be in a much happier place with or without H by then. Also as suggested his attention will shift when your little one comes along. If you engage him in caring for the baby as "he's got a new baby brother to take care of" he will really change his focus.

All of this sitch will improve. You will feel to be 'you' again without the rollercoaster - just look back at how you don't have that anxiety to anywhere the same degree anymore. The darkest days are gone. OK you will wobble. But it's not constant.

Also look what you hoped for. Looks like it happened - OW is out of the picture. Or so it seems. Take it slowly. Find your way of being happy & use you time wisely. You have done so far - you have less anxiety and OW appears robbed gone - I hope you see that you are DB'ing and it is paying off! It all takes time. You are getting there. It's a slow journey but you are doing great.

BTW - not knowing what you want is just a phase. It's just because you are not fully in control, because of attachment.

I wouldn't tell him about S crying anymore, personally. I try to not do the things that might create any pressure or negative feelings.

Very proud of you.

Surfer.