Wow Sandy, lots of information in there! I'll be the first to admit, I am terrible at validating and should probably not do a ton of it unless it's low hanging fruit like I'm sorry or that [censored].
Tonight was a rough one. I didn't hear from her all day, then she texted on her way over to the house to see the kids (I let her come over mwf after work to spend some supervised time). She was pretty pissy from when she first got there and had to be let in (I didn't unlock the door for her this time). She did a lot of complaining about how it's unfair that her visits have to be supervised and that she can't do overnights (even though she lives in a one bedroom apartment and the OM seemed awfully comfy when I showed up. I tried my best to avoid confrontation, but she sucked me in a few times. She kept saying that I was "punishing her" with the kids, but she showed zero interest in seeing them until recently, and considering I just caught her with OM she claimed didn't exist, I think I was being nice letting her see the kids at all, let alone three nights a week at my house. She was also complaining about coming over straight from work and being hungry but not allowed to eat the food...after she said she was goi g to take the kids out and get ice cream/dinner at what is normally their bed time, I relented and told her she could eat some leftovers but made it clear it was not for her but rather so the kids wouldn't be dragged out.
Towards the end, it all kind of came to a head. She asked why I wouldn't let her take the kids anywhere unsupervised. Said she wanted something in writing and that I couldn't stop her. I told her that I didn't trust her and the kids needed stability. She went back to the punishing card. Then she told me she only started the PA after I started moving on a week ago (asked for key, got own checking), which was clearly a lie but it really pissed me off that she insinuated I drove her to cheat. So I asked one or two questions that confirm the affair was taking place earlier and she was evasive. I knew it was a bad spot to be in so I suggested she head home for the night.
She called like 5 minutes after she left and I should have let it ring, but I answered it. She wanted to apologize for fighting...and I didn't reciprocate the apology. So she went back to punishing her with the kids. This time, I was very clear and forceful with out yelling telling her that I am not doing what I am doing to hurt her...I only care about the kids and their best interests and right now they need a stable home and some consistency. She ended the call shortly after.
I'm sorry for all the rambling. I really lost my cool tonight but it felt like I was being provoked and I felt like it was better to stand up for myself than to cave to her demands at least.
I obviously still have a long way to go. What's shocking to me is she has shown zero remorse for the PA. No shame.
