My Story

[LiM]

CONDEF,

Sorry you are here but it is a good place for you to be given your current situation.
First, I want to tell you that I think there is hope for your sitch. I know you feel like all hope is lost but the DB process is an amazing process and it DOES work. You can turn this around.
That being said, it will be a long process and it will be a lot of work. If you are successful though, you could end up with a much better M than you've had before.
Its clear you have plenty of your own issues. If your W says you are controlling, then you probably are. Go to work on those issues. Dont do them to win your W back. Do them because you want to be a better person in ALL your relationships.
It sounds like your W has plenty of her own issues but she will have to work on those on her own. You can't fix those.
Detach, 180 and GAL. It sounds like you are off to a good start but do NOT go on a date with another woman. That's absolutely insane if you want to save your M.
Do not turn your kids against your W. Encourage them to interact with her. Its ok for them to express their feelings to her.
Stop the kissing and massaging. She needs to see that she is losing you. She needs to see that you are making some serious changes in your life to become a better man and that she will be missing that if she chooses to continue down this path. But your changes have to be genuine. If they aren't.....if you are only doing them to try and win her back......she will see right through that.
You don't have to agree with D and its ok to tell her that. Tell her that you don't want a D and that you want to make the M work but that you understand that she has to make decisions based on what she feels is best for her. In this way, you are telling her how you feel but you are allowing her the space to do what she wants (not controlling her). Anything you do right now that comes across as controlling will only set you back and impair your ability to heal your M.
Turn your attention to making yourself a better person and let her be free to choose her own path. If you make genuine changes to become a better person, she will eventually see the work you are doing. She will become interested again. Become the man that only a fool would leave.