A lot of things are about knowing when to do certain things, b/c if the timing is not right....nothing will succeed. With a WW, it's all about her resentment & disrespect toward her H. Therefore, he has to get her respect, before he gets her love/desire. Let the respect factor be your guide while you are DBing. This is not the time to show her how much you love her. This is the time to show your self-respect, confidence, boundaries, etc.
Quote:
This isn't the first time she apologized, and I know that it's likely just manipulation, but I will say this...I had somewhat of an epiphany tonight. I now see what detachment means. I didn't respond. TBH, i didn't even react to those texts (I didn't answer back). I am starting to see that the person I loved is gone and has been replace by a selfish manipulator. I have no desire to chase this person or help this person. But I still care about them from afar, and if she does make changes in her life and wants to come back I would not close myself off to that.
THIS! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This is the man you have to be with a WW. Why the heck didn't you stick with it? Are you serious about wanting to know how to interact with a WW?
Quote:
W has texted me more today than she has in a week...
Of course she did! Do you know why? B/c of the guy you were showing her the last time she was over. So now she's going to test you a little to see if that guy is still there, or if she can play him a little. She will be attracted to the guy she can't play.
Quote:
First to tell me she has an interview (I replied later "You must be excited, Congrats")
Okay, I can understand how you could get some things out of timing......since you are a newbie and reading so much new information. Listen, you have recently caught her in a PA. So right now while she's in an affair....she is not your friend, b/c she is doing another man. You are not always there for her. You are not her cheerleader, nor her counselor.......as long as she is disrespecting you in any way. Why would she even dare think you'd be interested in her getting an interview? Think about it. She has traded you in for another man!
Quote:
Later, she asked me about my plans for the weekend...To which I responded "Why do you want to know?" She said she could watch the kids, so I told her I had it covered.
EXCELLENT answer! Perfect!
When the W leaves her H, and especially for another man......she loses certain privileges. You told her about part if it when she came over making herself at home as though nothing has happened. Another one of those lost privileges is knowing what her LBH does in his private life. The only exception of her knowing anything, would be if you were taking the kids out of town/state.....and even then, she should not know every little detail, know what I mean? Just remember that little piece of information. The game plan changed the minute she cheated.
Quote:
She said she had to work and thought it was a bad idea, but wanted to make sure it was ok with me before even considering it. I validated her on having to work and her fears about going (and likely getting lectured) then said it was ok with me and thanked her for asking.
She wanted to make sure it was ok with you before she'd even consider it? Well......really? And you fell right into it, didn't you? Look, she is temperature checking you. Did she want to check with you before she took up with another guy? I doubt it. Think about it. Why would she suddenly want to be so friendly and considerate? Remember the last time she was over? Yeah, that time. Well, it caused her to get a little curious about you. So now, she is checking to see if she can say something and get a response from you that tells her that you are still emotionally attached to her. She wants to see if you care.
What did you say, exactly, when you validated her? I am always reading where H's say they validated, but they never say what or how. Unless validation is a natural gift for you, I'd be careful during this time frame, b/c of the mindset of the WW. You do NOT want to look/sound as if you are kissing a$$. IMHO, you overkilled big time, as a lot of LBH's do. She got just exactly what she was looking for when she contacted you!
Quote:
I got no response and still haven't.
Know why it bothers you? B/c you gave yourself away. Now she knows she still has you.....and once she knows, then she's not interested.
My suggestion is for a little while, anyway, don't be so eager to gush over the fact she is telling you anything.....b/c she is all about manipulation. And the key about manipulation is to not let the manipulated person know that they are being manipulated. The newly LBH is often so delighted to see her acting halfway "nice", he fails to see through what she's really doing.
If you want to know more about the wayward wife's mindset and usual behavior, you can follow the threads about it. The first one is below.
