Struggling

[fightin]

Yeah, I deserve that 2x4. My mother posted first and I made her take it down. I had thought I had absolutely made it clear to her NOT to post ANYTHING. So in my head at the time I felt like I was doing damage control, but you're absolutely right. I should have left it alone.

Thank you for the 2x4!

[fightin]

Thanks chessyt!

Yes, there is a lot I still need to accept. I'm trying to not be too hard on myself (which is extremely out of character) since it has only been 2 weeks for me since the BD, but I know that the sooner I can accept the things out of my control the better.

My W has shown some remorse, and even cried some over this sitch, however, she still justifies her behavior so it kind of nullifies the remorse IMO. During her remorseful moments she's repeatedly stated how I don't deserve this and I deserve better than the person she's become. I just agree or say nothing in response. I know she's confused, and it is probably hard on her too, but at this point I don't exactly feel bad for her.

I'll definitely update later. If I don't get the chance to tonight then it will be tomorrow evening after I've gotten all settled from the move. The great thing about moving back in with my parents is I live rent free, they will feed me, and I don't have to deal with unpacking until I get a place of my own. Bright side!

[hawker]

Hey fightin,

Don't be hard on yourself, you didn't do this. Yep, you can't control her you can only control your emotions and how you react to your W.

My W was very remorseful from the beginning, she still says she is now but she continues to do what she wants and I think that nullifies it as well...lol...like she is trying to ease her guilt...but that is ok...she is going to do what she needs to do and I will do the same.

Hope your move goes well, it is great that you are getting all the perks of moving in with your parents, you will also get that support system!!

[fightin]

So my mother posted AGAIN to FB and this time directly to my aunt's wall for all to see and specifically shared that my W is cheating. At least my post simply said we were going separate ways and I wished her to best (Not that it makes it okay j2).

I have never been one to rock the boat with my parents, always being the doormat, but since that is something I'm working on I let her have it. She has to understand that if she continues to do the very thing I've repeatedly asked her not to do that she will lose my trust and damage our relationship. I have to stop bending over backwards to spare everyone's feelings except my own.

I will admit it felt good to give her a piece of my mind. I can't remember a single time I've done that with her. Even in my very mildly rebellious teenage years the worst I did was have a crappy attitude, never did I tell her how I really felt about anything that bothered me.

She keeps it up I'll be taking her iPad away from her likes she's a grounded child. Ha!

[Maybe]

I agree with cheesy and the dude with a lot of number in his name😅. My policy is not to do anything for your other half. If H wants a divorce, I won't be filing papers. If H wants to sell the house, I am not contacting the real estate agents. If your W is not telling the world what is going on bet you too, don't do her job for her. She should face the music. As for me, I suspect my divorce paper may never come. I would eventually need to do it when I decide to quit this R... lol!

[fightin]

Yeah. I shouldn't have done it at all even if I didn't dish the details.

I've made it clear that if she was D she is filing and she's made it clear that will be a ways down the road due to her financial strain she'll soon be feeling. I didn't offer to bail her out on any of it. I'm perfectly fine staying married for quite some time, but like you, eventually I'll file if it hasn't happened by the time I'm fully ready to move on too.

She might surprise me though considering the pace she's set with the OW. She might end up deciding they need to get married ASAP or something so really who knows, and at this point who cares. I'll face whatever comes at me as it comes at me.

[fightin]

Update on tonight:

I was hoping they'd stay the night so I could spend a little more time with my SS, but they came home and she starting packing so they could leave tonight to go to her dad's where our travel trailer is.

My SS is back and forth between sad and angry which is understandable, but I hate it for him. He and I will definitely keep in touch though and see each other when I'm in town.

She just kept crying and finally just came over and hugged me for what felt like forever, but it didn't upset me or really make me feel anything at all except confused. She confessed she's been staying over at OW's because it is too hard for her to be around me. She said it is really hard for her see all my stuff packed and she's never been so ashamed of herself in her life. She's so sorry for hurting me, etc.

She kept saying she never imagined this and how hard it is for her, but that she has no right to be upset since she caused this. I told her she's allowed to feel however she truly feels and I validated that I can see this hard for her too. She just replied that she's not even sure how she actually feels right now, just that she's so sorry for everything.

It was nice to be able to just listen, validate and not get upset myself.

She joked as she was leaving that if she gets a deer tomorrow (she's hunting) she'll send me a picture. I just said "ok". I guess she was expecting more because she got a very disappointed look on her face and said "I was just trying to joke around." I said "I know" and smiled. I wasn't cold to her at all, I was short or rude which is very different from the last several interactions we've had.

She said she just wants me to be happy and I replied I will be and I'll be just fine. She said I know you will. I told her I want her to be happy as well to which she just cried more.

Then they left.

[fightin]

Well it's moving day! Can't go pick up the truck for over an hour so I going to get the little things packed and ready to go.

Last night's experience was weird for me because it was almost like I was watching a movie or something. I wasn't dead inside, but very unemotional. I figured after they left I'd have a break down, but I have a sort of peace about leaving now. I believe this separation is necessary. She's clearly still very confused, or maybe even more confused that she was a week ago and I have no desire to be here when she self destructs. I love her, but I'm okay with letting her go on her own journey. I have my own to take.

[fightin]

Well got all my stuff moved and I'm mostly settled in. Once the last bag was packed, standing there in the MBR, I lost it for a minute, but other than that I've been pretty happy today and at peace about the situation.

[Vanilla]

What a lucky lad SS is to have you in his life. Please ensure you establish a formal schedule to visit with him asap.

His dad seems sound too.

You may wish to check Sotto and Dawn sitch as they have great R with step kids. This little boy needs his Step mom.

Take your time, it's early days and have some RL peeps in your world together with some GAL. Even if you aren't keen.

Your sitch has moved very quickly like a tornado and some sitches do this. You have come to openness and honesty early and it will help you. Head up you are doing great.

Breathe honey and know you are loved that is very clear.

Hugs

V