It's good to remind yourself of the positives. Weight loss is a positive for most , even if we wouldn't have wanted it this way. I lost a ton of weight in the first two weeks from loss of appetite and not sleeping well. I have kept it off healthily.
Many if not all of us wish we did things differently in the past but there isn't anything we can do about that except work on ourselves now. If I'm honest, it took this trauma to force me to do all of the things I have done since.
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Thanks Cherry, 11 weeks now and I think I'm making some progress.
I still think about my W every hour of every day and whilst I know there has been no affair, it's really hard to accept that I wasn't good enough, that the issues she raised, she wouldn't give me a chance to fix.
I never knew the gravity of the sitch and would have done anything to try and fix things.
Every day is a struggle, but I know a month from now I will be in an ever so slightly better place. And a month from there, even stronger.
I'm still in love with her, but understand where my failings are and am coming to terms with them. Slowly I'm becoming me again and just that little bit stronger.
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
From what I have observed, I think you will experience up & down days for quite a while. It's like grief......you have to get through it, and everyone is different at how they do it and how long it takes for their emotions to get on an even keel. People grieve in different ways. As long as you are trying to help yourself move forward, I think you should not beat yourself when you have feelings bombard you. You are a human being with emotions and memory. Along with the good there are parts not so good.....but thank God we get to feel and remember.
The year my family faced losing a most beloved and respected family member, I had read that it helps a little to change things around during holidays. Like you, I was dreading Christmas (especially) b/c we had always celebrated Christmas Eve at this family member's home. So, that year I asked the family to meet at my house to have our traditional celebration. Yes, I missed those cherished times of yesteryear. We have to move forward and make new traditions as best that we can.
In the meantime, I hope you will seek sources of inspiration. Don't expect the sources to go to your front door and knock. You have to look for them. I love to listen to a certain type of music. It gets the blood pumping! I also like reading material that encourages me to do better in a particular area of my life, or try something new, etc. I try to stay away from the sad movies, b/c I know it will bring me down. (When I'm already experiencing a personal loss in my life). Whatever good thing that will make you feel more encouraged that day.....then do it. Be good to yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Today I bought my S a bike for Christmas. My W has had a go at me because I didn't discuss it with her. We agreed to buy separate gifts and she even suggested that I buy a bike...
How many times is this woman going to mess with my head! I tried to validate and ended up apologising for not thinking. We're separated and should I really have to discuss these things with her?
I'm such a novice at all this!
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
Just seen the W during child exchange. 1st time she's been in the house since I took down all her pictures- she certainly noticed.
She was meant to be having a coffee with a friend before picking up our S, friend cancelled on her. I asked her what she was doing for her birthday (she has our S that weekend), she sainthood "nothing".
I had her laughing a couple times and even had to tell her to smile on the way out.
Life's not going as planned with her I think. On the other hand, she can certainly see that I'm ok and moving on.
Think this is the desired effect 😄
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
Just seen the W during child exchange. 1st time she's been in the house since I took down all her pictures- she certainly noticed.
She was meant to be having a coffee with a friend before picking up our S, friend cancelled on her. I asked her what she was doing for her birthday (she has our S that weekend), she sainthood "nothing".
I had her laughing a couple times and even had to tell her to smile on the way out.
Life's not going as planned with her I think. On the other hand, she can certainly see that I'm ok and moving on.
Think this is the desired effect
Thoughts on this please guys - I feel that I'm on the wright track...
M - 36 / W - 32 S - 3 Together - 18 Yrs / Married - 10 Yrs Bomb Dropped - 4th Sept 2016 Moved out - 4th Sept 2016
In general, it sounds like things are going well, but you seem more focused on her than is healthy. Remember to make the changes for you.
The one thing that seemed odd was you telling her to smile. That seemed a bit controlling.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
The one thing that seemed odd was you telling her to smile. That seemed a bit controlling.
To me, it sounds OK. It's controlling in the same way that saying "Have a nice day" or "Drive safely" are controlling. Maybe it's slightly more, but on the grand scale, I think it's OK.
That said, it's interesting to me that you are judging that you are on "the right track" based on her moods. She laughs a few times and you think things are 'getting better' or something?
For example, why was she in your house for so long and around so much to notice changes in decoration if she was just dropping off S? Why were you asking about her bday plans?
I dont necessarily think you are on the WRONG track. I just wouldnt gauge your progress based on her mood.
