Sotto - as usual you are right, and the zero expectation is the most important factor here. The MLCer effect is still present there. I see signs that it is not so foggy as before and that he started regretting some of his choices for when he was totally insane.
But again, it is like you said, he is still trying to figure it out on his big mess and is not really ready to step up and take on a big responsibility and challenge as well.
And another true thing is that if I push too hard I may walk away. Actually that happens inside of me so many times now. I feel like just not thinking about this anymore. I feel like I deserve better then just this mess and someone that did so much to just take his sweet time to sort things and not just be serious about M and family and take things slow but with the attitude of helping it to be better.
I just guess that I will keep doing it until I don't do it anymore. If one day I decide to walk away, then it won't hurt anymore either.
Coly - I think I passed the "being there for me" in a house. We openly spoke about trying to make it work again. He expressed that he needs to move slow and would like us to be friends first and get to know each other now.
My point in this is that if he wants to try to make it work and get to know each other, then why not once in a while to go out and spend some time together that doesn't involve the house, our routine, kids, dogs, and blah, blah, blah.
Before, he would be at the house with some excuse, then talk to me for a short time and other times for a long time. Now, he is OK to say he would like to come to the house and hang out with me.
He is not on his phone like before, he smiles and touch me very often. He says openly that he loves me and wants me to understand he cares for me more then I think and more then he tough.
He tells me all the time that there is no one in his life and that he can see the mistakes he made.
So, you see we are past that accident, coincidence visit for the kids and getting me in the mix. Now, he comes to be with me.
And yes, why don't Pink invite him out for a coffee? a Movie? First, because I am afraid of being too fast for him. Second, I do not want to be rejected with some tip excuse (XH has this way of DBing and I do not like). Third, I am moving forward, dealing with my life and let him sort things out if he wants to move forward with our R or not, then I understand that he is the one that one day will knock my door and say that he would like to go out with me - (Because he really wants it and can't wait for tomorrow).
Why he is not stepping up to the task? Because he is not sure that is what he wants. Why he is not sure? Maybe because he knows me at my own house, with responsibilities, house chores, teenagers in the mix, dog, etc...etc... .
Writing all this I think I have my own answer and that is to go a little bit into his building friendship, but keep some distance for now. I do feel I deserve better then the bread crumbs and I won't feel good about myself if I invite him for a coffee.
Ladies, sometimes we get so strong, that we can't bend the situation no more.
I love you guys, you all storm my brain and the answer is right there.
