Pink's Journey - Strengh and Fear

[Coly23]

Hey Pink, I like the fact gag he asked you to watch the film to put across how he feels. I might check if out, I don't think I see ever seen it before.

I completely understand about wanting to feel important and to know that H is there for you and not just the kids. When my H first left he used to come over once a week for family evening. At first he would just come in sit down eat and then leave. He actually told me not to think coming over was another 'rung on the ladder' in our relationship. I was devastated but I soon realised that I was using this time as an opportunity to be close to him but it did not make me feel good as I knew he was there to see my D and not me. After a small discussion about the fact that he made no effort when he came over he started bringing take out food and a bottle of wine for me. Again I so wanted that to be because he wanted to see me but alas it was just him being nice.

After a few 2x4s on here I stopped family time altogether and left him and my and my D to sort out whatever relationship they wanted but without me. After going dark for seven weeks I invited him out for coffee and we are now going out for coffee for the third time. I know everyone says he should be doing all the chasing but I know he just isn't like that but he does seem happy to meet me so I am taking that as a positive sign and hoping we can take some baby steps and see where they takes us.

What I'm trying to say that you are right about needing to separate your relationship with H as a parent and as a partner. It is easy to confuse spending time as a family as a way to get closer. I think this can only happen once you are further down the line. Have you thought of asking H to go for coffee or go out for something to eat?