It matters to you a great deal. Your belief appears to be forgiveness is ESSENTIAL? I ask if that is your belief?
So I ask what does forgiveness mean to you?
What does it not mean?
To me forgiveness isn't essential. That's my belief.
And it is not necessary to forget either. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. You may never forget.
Is there bitterness, the need for revenge, are you living in some type of harmony?
Can I recommend the Jeanne Safer book on forgiveness. This book changed my world.
I have no anger, I didn't understand why I had no anger. Surely I should have anger, the thought consumed me that I could not heal unless I had anger. Then I knew, I had let go of the need for revenge, I had let it go. I just wanted the Giggalo gone, he hasn't asked for forgiveness. He keeps on coming like the Terminator. For money, still I have let him go and although there is damage it's my issue.
I have let go of the need to forgive. That need has gone. I don't need to forgive him. I have let go of the damaging feelings of revenge and bitterness. It's happened, I can't undo it and I thank God I found out quickly otherwise the damage would have been greater. I have no need to forgive to live in peace. I wish him well I truly do. I hope things work for him although I suspect they won't.
Consider, have you forgiven but are still holding on to memories? Do you think if you can't forget you haven't forgiven?
V
V, thank you, I am going to read the book. The thing is I don't actually know the answers to these questions because the answers are changing. The more I think about it, the more I don't know how I feel about it. I do think I need to forgive him to stay in the M, so yes, it's essential. I do want to forgive him. Not only for the M to work but because I don't want to harbor these negative feelings.
Is there bitterness? Yes. Sigh. Part of the problem. That I am slowly letting go of. What does forgiveness mean to me? I think it means that while I don't have to forget, I do need to accept what he has done and that it will always be in our history now. It's so hard to accept something that my entire life I thought I wouldn't.
I am impressed that you have let go of the anger. I try, I do. But admittedly it is still there. My mom asked me when I am going to stop punishing him. I even didn't realize I was. It feels more like I am punishing myself. He is still waiting for me and he has even told me this ...
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela