Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #5]

[ForGump]

I've been hesitant to post. An event outside of my control has plunged my situation even deeper into a state of limbo. I've sort of arrived at a place like where JRuss is in, although the timeline for me isn't nearly as long as his (supposedly 2 years).

I've thought about posting about it here, but recently I've also been feeling a bit exposed about this website -- I wonder how anonymous and private it really winds up being.

I've often thought of my new timeline as a "gift of time" for me, but actually I am no longer purposely doing "DB". I am not trying to do "what works". I am not purposely trying to do "180", "GAL" etc. The new timeline is, however, a gift of time for me and my kids: it's a time when I can see them every morning, night and weekends. So I am trying to just love them the best I can, appreciate my daily time with them while I have it, and, as well, I am trying to be happy for myself, without relying on the marriage and my wife for my happiness.

I have let go of my fear -- substantially, anyway, though not wholly -- of the pain I will feel when the family actually breaks up, when my W has left me. I don't think I can prepare myself for it. I'm just going to accept that it will hurt when it happens.

I do think about you all, and appreciate your friendship, however strange it is ... to be friends this way. I'd much rather sit with you in person and have a pint.