fightin, I am sorry you find yourself here. She is moving fast. Wow, that is rough. I can really sympathize with your sitch. You mention you are a doormat and she wants to put you in the friend zone. The fact that you are aware of that is great and you can start working on how to change that now. There is a great book about no longer being a Nice Guy by Glover that has really been life changing for my H. I know you are a woman, but perhaps it could be helpful too? It has helped him break codependency, put his needs first, and he is more able to stand up to people now.
Your WW is deep in the fog. Her fog is THICK. The way she is pushing for D and for OW to move in, and in such a short amount of time, is just ridiculous! I am concerned for your SS and how this will impact him. Children need consistency and stability. Perhaps you can still provide that for him. I do not believe for one second that OW makes her happy or that she will be happy with these changes. Happiness and change do not come from other people, they come from within. She is very troubled and in denial.
So while you cannot help her understand this, you can learn this for yourself and make the changes you need for YOU. I think you are off to a good start. Keep posting and reading, lean on your IC and friends/family for support, and take a giant step back from her crazy town.
She doesn't need, or frankly deserve, to know where you are at, feeling, thinking, or planning. It's extremely passive aggressive to walk all over your and then expect friendship from you. It's abusive. You owe her nothing and no explanations. Her world will come crashing down, but you don't need to be any part of that or catch her when she falls.
So keep taking care of you. Read Sandi's rules every morning and live by them. Stay far away from her, get strong, and only return communication by being a "polite and detached neighbor." No cake eating for her! You will get through this. As hard as this is for us, if we can stay the course and learn to love ourselves more, we will find the brightest silver linings in a terrible sitch. You can do this!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
