Ok, deep breath. Slow and steady wins the race. First off, please don't confuse me for a vet--too many of you are singing my praises--while my H did come back, I also made several mistakes along the way. And still do :-)
So I am going to go with my instincts here. Hopefully others will way in. I still am of the camp that less is more. She is starting to see things a bit more clearly. She is questioning herself and choices. And she is reaching out. These are all positive signs. Deep breath and digest this for now. These are all baby steps but she is starting to move slowly. Do not rush into anything or it could backfire.
I agree with all of your above criteria, I do! However I think it's too early to lay it all on the table. She is still fragile and I don't want you to overwhelm her or scare her off. Even if she wants to rush, do not let her! She may start pushing it, but YOU, you set the pace now.
I think you should stay the course of patience, consistency, and remaining the lighthouse for now. Perhaps just start with listening and validating. Let her know you appreciate her reaching out. Thank her. Let her know she is giving you a lot to think about. That is more than enough for today. You are not a needy scorned woman just waiting for her to tell you to jump and you ask "how high?" You are solid and deserve the best.
Then you continue doing YOU. Keep up your GAL, 180s, and keep detaching. DB is a way of life if she comes back or not.
Also, keep in mind that MC can be very intense and even do more damage if both parties are not all in. She is just getting her toes wet here. You can always do the MC later when she is committed to coming back. Take this as slow as humanly possible and don't let her think she can just jump back in. You will nee a lot of things from her and you both need time.
Patience is KEY. Can you do that?
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
