Here we go again....

[matw]

So I made a couple of mistakes yesterday... This is going to sound really stupid and I realize I shouldn't have done it. Anyways on Facebook my W had her profile pic of the two of us after working out. I always took a little comfort knowing it was on there and usually the first thing people see when they look at my W in Facebook. Anyways she changed it yesterday to a picture of our kids. Of course I start freaking out and not being able to handle it (told you this was stupid) and text her saying those are some nice pictures you changed your profile to. She said thanks and we start having a little small talk via text for awhile. Nothing serious but feels really forced. Anyways I felt horrible for allowing it to bother me and even more that I texted her... So I realize I have a lot of work to do.

So last night was awesome. I had my kids and we just hung out. I love my kids so much and don't know what I would do without them. You can tell the separation is taking a toll on them but they are being strong and understanding. Hardest part is my D3 always asking where is mommy? And having to explain that Mommy lives in her apartment now. We do a modified 2-2-3 so I have them for the next 3 days and then they are off to the W for the Weekend.

This morning my W calls me when I am on my way to work. Originally it was about bills that our going to be coming out of our joint account. Then we continued just chatting about things for about a half hour. No real serious talk or anything R wise. Just what she is going to do with our boys this weekend and how her job is going. It wasn't all that important but it felt good to talk to her. I made sure I didn't ask her what she did last night or anything. I did ask if she wanted to hang out on Sunday which was pursuing and I need to stop that. I have to wait for her to ask me if I want to hang out with her.

So another thing that has been on my mind lately is do I want this marriage to come back together?? Everybody that is close to me is telling me I should just be done with it. Especially since we already did this before via the first divorce and separation for 3 years. Now emotionally I do want this marriage to get back together and am willing to work on it. On the other hand I have to wonder will this keep happening if we did get back together.. is she capable of being in a long term relationship with me? I do know that right now I am not ready to give up on it and that's shown to me by how much I have not detached. We never know what the future holds... I guess I just need to continue one day at a time.