I do know you helped her move out. So I assume you are there?
V
Yes, I am in the Marital Home. She moved out for "space" in September. At the time, she was still claiming that she was depressed and needed some time and space to think...hence me helping her move in. It is only now that I realize the real reason she moved out is because she was sick of meeting up with the OM in parking lots (he has/had roommates who work with them).
On Monday (the day after I confirmed the PA), I contacted her and told her she could visit the kids on MWF starting on Wednesday (yesterday) but those visits would need to be supervised for the time being. She agreed. But yesterday she texted and asked if she could leave work early and pick them up so she could have more time with them (I assume the real motive was to avoid me) and I told her no...we need to stick to the schedule.
When she first arrived it was super awkward. Neither of us really said anything and I tried to make myself scarce while she interacted with the kids. Eventually I came downstairs and had a brief conversation with her, trying hard to follow the rules about listening and not giving too many details. After that she loosened up a bit. Almost too much. Starting helping herself to our food. Walking in and out of our MBR and even calling it "Mommy and Daddy's bed" before correcting herself...pretty much acting like she still lived there and cake eating.
While she was getting the kids to sleep, I started working out (sure to wear a tight shirt, ha) and pretty much ignored her when she came downstairs to leave. I could tell she was annoyed. Then, as she was leaving I asked her if I could talk for a sec, then proceeded to tell her that she doesn't live here anymore and needs to respect those boundaries and act like a guest when she comes over. She blew it off at first, but then five minutes after she left she called (I didnt answer). Then she texted that she was "sorry for whatever she did" (I didn't respond). An hour after that I got 4 texts in a row that said 1) Im just sorry in general 2) I really miss my friend 3) And im sorry for everything 4) Im even sorry for this.
This isn't the first time she apologized, and I know that it's likely just manipulation, but I will say this...I had somewhat of an epiphany tonight. I now see what detachment means. I didn't respond. TBH, i didn't even react to those texts (I didn't answer back). I am starting to see that the person I loved is gone and has been replace by a selfish manipulator. I have no desire to chase this person or help this person. But I still care about them from afar, and if she does make changes in her life and wants to come back I would not close myself off to that.
I think I finally get it. As a result, I had the best sleep I have had in months. I was in a good mood this morning. And I am still in a good mood. I dont know where this path leads, but I do know it is alot less painful than the one I was walking on.
