I have to agree w/roist on the family squabble. They need to work this out between them. You can't fix this for them...they are all adults and need to do this on their. This is their problem, not yours. After all, you've been fired as a husband.
As for the divorce, I would make sure that everything that is written up is okay w/you and your lawyer has had time to review the document. I would certainly sit back just a bit and allow her to do the heavy lifting. Just keep in mind, if you drag this out, it will cost $$$ as they do tend to have the lawyers go back and forth on silly stuff at times.
Also, don't be surprised if she comes up w/a few lies along the way. It's typical for them to do so. Just make sure you have plenty of documentation on expenses, etc.
As for the OM, he's not so lucky...he's getting a woman who is damaged goods/fragile/emotionally out there. If the divorce takes place, he may decide after some time that she's not worth staying w/but at the moment, it's fun and challenge because he thinks he's got the prize.
I would definitely let her know that the rumors are floating around and that the two of you need to have a talk w/the kids about things. It's easy to have this talk now than after the rumors really get started and the kids hear them.
Bottom line, you need to protect your children the best way that you can. If you are divorced, treat it as a business deal gone south and from that day on, minimal contact would be the way to go unless it's about the children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
