MLC H at age 32, maybe single mum with a toddler S

[Maybe]

Okay, everyone's stories here are more or less alike. Mine is a little bit more confusing. For one, H is still young but is in MLC. He fears death, aging, and not happy with himself after our S is born. There is some abandonment here I suspect because he does not know his dad. Apparently dad exercised domestic violence. As for my mother in law, in my ten years knowing her, I am not confident she was being a good enough mum for him either. But I am not here to bad mouth his family. My side of family is not exactly all happy and rosey.

Then, here is the thing that is rather "unique" for my situation. H saw a transsexual escort. I found out after he was being cold and critical. He was ashamed of it. I think him knowing that I know his deepest darkest secret makes it even harder for him to want to "work on the R". Anywho, that was 4 months ago now.

I have changed, and I am good at faking being upbeat and strong in front of him. He starts to hang around the kitchen to talk to me when he's here for our S. He is somewhat annoy about the fact that I am seeing someone. He opens up to me saying that he is still miserable. I am glad that I didn't jump in to try to rescue him. He said he misses our S a lot and want to see more of him. I invite him to go to the aquarium with us on the Sunday. And I said you have to decide if you really want to come coz otherwise I will go with another mum. He said better not count him in coz he does not want to cancel on me. Then I said it's all about choices. I said you CAN see him more if you really want to, but we won't go out our way to suit you. I offered that he can spend the night at home with him while I stay with a friend. He straight away yelled you are not having a boyfriend already?! I am not seeing anyone. Ironically, he is. Judging by the diinner bills and jazz bar outings. Why does he still deny? I start to think that maybe he is not seeing OW. He could be seeing OP but sex is unidentifiable. He probably deny this to himself too. I mean I am very open minded, but I do have difficulty dealing with this on top of everything.

So, being the person I am, I research a lot about straight man seeing trans. (That's how I found DR BTW). It's more common than one would thinks because of all the trans porn out there. I know he is attracted to the femininity, and no guys will admit it, but they are all secretly somewhat attracted to dicks. I have never text or receive texts from my female friends a funny dick joke or pic. But guys, I know there are some on your phones. So a sexy hot babe with dick is his fetish. I found myself being very understanding of it. But fetish aside, cheating is cheating. Be that a man, a woman or a tran.

Anyway, I can be imaging this. I have no proof. And I don't plan on asking him any question. He was a great loving man for 10 years. I am glad I had him for my son's first year coz I couldn't do it without him. I had decided to be supportive for as long as I can, open to reconciliation because I still love him, but also open to life without him coz I know I am a better person. I deserve a good man that wants to be with me. So is my son.

I welcome all comments.