Fingers toes and eyes crossed that your convo goes okay Cheesy. Whatever happens just remember you have survived so far because you are strong and awesome!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I've been feeling pretty good all day. but all of a sudden I feel extremely emotional. I was crabby before I got emotional. I don't even know why. I have a headache and I feel tired...I'm sure that plays a big part. and I may possibly be getting my hopes up for nothing. As much as I've been trying not to think of it, Saturday's conversation / our interaction really got to me.
There was a homeless guy walking along the beach. He found a genie bottle and started rubbing it. A genie popped-out (surprise) and granted him three wishes. The guy asked for a Rolls Royce, and poof, it appeared. Then he asked for $100 million in a bank account, and poof, he was rich. Lastly he asked that his schmeckle would drag in the sand, and poof, his legs were gone.
not the conversation I was hoping for. I should've know better than to think we would talk about moving forward in our M. W answered, she sounded as though we was half asleep so I asked if she was in bed. W said yes, I asked what she wanted to talk about. W said she was sorry for being "crazy" the other day, she apologized for going through my cell phone and my credit cards, W said "because that's no longer my business" I told her I appreciate her apology. W said she's been thinking why she's been creeping up on my and W sounded as though she was about to start crying. W said she's "lost" and She feels sorry for making a huge deal about splitting us up and rocking ALL of our lives & for being mean about it. W said she's happy, but she misses me and it's hard. W also said she's sorry for not giving me the time of day to show her I was turning a good page. I told her I appreciate her apology, validated it must be hard to feel lost and confused, that it takes a lot to apologize (like crying, W NEVER apologizes) I asked if there was anything else she wanted to say, she said no. I said ok good night. and we hung up.
...and just like that, I'm ejected from this roller coaster. -must find cheesyt again.
Wow. She is cracking. I see that she is self reflecting and doubting her choices. This is good isn't it? She is gaining some clarity in her fogginess! So you get to continue to be confident, consistent, and patient. Patience is key! She may pull back again. Don't change your course. You are the lighthouse.
It takes a long time for them to see things more clearly. She is not happy--she is hurting and confused. She is trying to convince herself she is happy by even saying that to you.
Just curious, what had you hoped for? I see this as a very positive sign! It's a baby step, but a step into some insight of her own none the less.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I was hoping for this to end because I'm impatient. It's been over 6 months. I don't know, she's still seeing someone else. She can see some clarity but clearly not enough. IDK. I can't even think.
I know you're right, it is a baby step. I have to be the lighthouse, I know what I am, who I am, and I know I'm strong. I know I'll come out better, but right now, right this second I want to be impatient and cry. and throw a pitty party and go to bed.
You handled it well cheesy! Short and sweet. It's not the last convo. She's lost in the fog but at least she knows she's lost without you now. Let her sit with it. Stay strong and GAL. She's not so happy... it's not possible if she's so lost and misses you.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
