She moved out...now the work begins...II

[SBJ]

Also, stop worrying about what SHE thinks of you. The questions are: what do you think of you and what do YOU think of who she is today? I mean really, do you want THIS person?!?

I totally agree that I don't want this person back, but the one I want I still remember from just a few months ago. I think that I am a pretty awesome person with a ton to give. I think I have been a great, but maybe too attentive husband. I know I am a great father, son, brother and husband. I also know that I have alot to do to become an even better father, son, brother, and husband...and I am willing to do what needs to be done to achieve that goal. MWD said it best in one of her books/videos that the spouse wanting out is making a mistake, because the LBS that puts in the time and effort to make themselves even better will one day make a great second husband/wife for someone else...I'm paraphrasing of course, but I think it is true. I hope that I can calm the storm inside my mind long enough to settle down and continue to make myself better...MIND, BODY & SPIRIT!

The thing is with her. She wants this to go the way she wants it. She has a vision in her mind where she walks away with X and Y and everything is cordial etc..

I agree 100% that she wants everything to go smoothly and her way, and I guess because it is 180* from my norm it is hard for me to get into bulldog mode and battle against her. Her mother has already furnished a condo with new furniture for her, so she wants none of the things that we spent our marriage accumulating...all new and fresh for her from the enabler mother. She wants an amicable split of house equity, retirement, and cc debt. She also is settling for 50/50 split of custody with no child support. Those are the things that she has said anyway...I guess we'll actually see once I get the papers.

We still have to agree on our kids future expenses like college tuition, private school for the younger two, vehicle expenses for them, health insurance, car insurance, and the list goes on. These are things that she hasn't looked into yet I'm sure.

Plus when you lawyer up and she realises you will not just roll over and everything doesn't go according to her plans,dont be surprised if she is less friendly/chatty.

I understand that to truly detach we are suppose to cut off most all ties with our spouse, but I guess that is what I fear the most. This was not my idea, yet I have to cut ties with the one that I love the most...even if that person is not the same person anymore.

I even got a call from the MIL earlier...she was crying and said that she is worried about my W. She said that she is doing things that don't make sense. I wasn't condescending, but I did ask why she has just now noticed this because it has been going on since July. She said she has noticed changes, but she isn't one to rock the boat by saying anything...plus my W is the favorite/middle child and gets what she wants from her mom. The two sisters are extremely jealous at all times.

I hope things get smoother, but I'm sure there are moguls up ahead.