Anyway...she copied me into the email and drug me into the conversation. I told them both that they are siblings and need to work this out. I told my W that she has made it clear that she doesn't want my opinion about anything else and asked why is this different. Her response was golden...she said that I have always been her buffer between her and them. Hasn't she fired me from that role?
She came to my house this evening to get something for the kids and I sat and listened to her for quite a while without preaching. It is funny how she wants out of our M, but still needs the R when it's handy. I tried to validate her without giving my real opinion.
SBJ
Mine was very similar in this ... VERY. Even got to a point where she would try and tell me about OM and things he complained about in their R ... WTF?!!>?
Here is what I learned, maybe its part of MLC script for some and not all type thing but I will give you my personal theory on this. Imagine the intimacy and love that is shared between a husband and a wife as something tangible, like a leather jacket. The MLCr simply takes our leather jacket and puts it on another or in some cases in the closet, transferring the love and intimacy instantly to the other person/in the rare cases here no one. In their heads they simply just do not 'love us like that' anymore ... but we still hold onto that friendship shirt, the father pants, the financial supporting shoes, and the care giving baseball cap. Until we make it clear to them and set boundaries they will continue to manipulate things to their favor to get what they need from us.
I was told early on that its better to be in the friend-zone than the A-hole Husband zone. At the time it made sense and I tried that but honestly, it was not good for ME or MY journey/growth as I was consumed with every little movement she made. I had to get real honest with myself and her, I could not be her friend, a true friend would be happy for someone if they were happy ... I could not do this as her new happiness I felt was tied to a sickness/crisis and it also destroyed my M and family.
She can not miss you if you are readily available, she fired you from your job but you are still doing the paperwork. She can not realize what she has lost if its still all there. At some point she needs to gather her stuff and go onto the new life she so desperately had to have. You have to be aware this is going to be the hardest thing you have done, and its going to take longer than you would like ..... the longer this new limbo lasts the longer it will take.
