Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[JRuss]

FWIW, I don't think a year is in any way an unusual amount of time to still be cycling, especially where you've been treated the way you've been treated (and are still being treated). You were together a long time, and it was an incredibly important relationship. You formed a strong attachment to your spouse -- the goal and purpose of the relationship -- and it doesn't just go poof without significant periods of grief. Especially around anniversaries and milestone dates, it would be 100% normal for someone to feel sad given the totality of your circumstances. Hang in there and don't add self-judging to the pile of hard things in your life -- you're doing fine!