It is about you living a life for you. I see many going to the gim, joining a club, etc while the wife dresses up and goes clubbing. Here I also see many men falter as they see their spouses going to dangerous places. Places where they can meet new people and from there who knows. They however go to "safe" places. GO to dangerous places. Look at temptation and even dance with temptation. Only make sure you are clear if you really want to bite the apple for you or as a spite. You may not be emotionally prepared or may not have worked on yourself completely before taking this step. Until you polish yourself any premature relationship will likely end soon because you bring all the vices to the new relationship.
Maximus -
Thank you for coming back and giving your advice. In general, I agree with most of what you say.
I am concerned about the part Ive quoted, especially the bolded. I know that I was nowhere near being ready to 'dance with temptation' when I was in the state soon after BD. When I was in the thick of things, I DID need to go out and meet new people, but my focus wasnt on meeting people of the opposite sex. I just wanted to meet people with similar interests that I could have a good time with. I think large, mixed groups are the best places to GAL. Sure, going to the gym is awesome - it builds confidence, it gets you off your butt, it helps you look good. But, in general, it's a solo activity. The best thing I did was to get involved in some groups that allowed people to know me for who I am with an identity completely separate from that of my ex. I didnt need to go to nightclubs or things like that to build that identity.
My concern is that many of the people that find themselves here soon after BD are in no condition to be going out to 'dangerous' places. They dont have the perspective yet to distinguish "for me" and "spite". It isnt about being "finished" or "polished"....it's about having clear goals in mind. If one of your goals remains reconciliation, then 'biting the apple' may feel good in the moment, but wont get you any closer to those goals.
