Struggling

[hawker]

Fightin and J20...Yes the same thing happened to me....before my W moved out we were drinking a couple of times and ended up in bed together (before I found this site) she seemed upset with herself and said this wouldn't fix anything. I looked at her phone later and she told one of her school friends that she felt like she was cheating on OW even though they weren't "together".

I agree it is crazy that these sitches are alike......I thought I was alone as well and that I was going crazy...I am so thankful for this site!

[fightin]

Well at least I know I'm not the only one now. That blew my mind when she said that. I thought, so it was cool with you to cheat on your W with the OW, but it really bothers you to "cheat" on the OW with your W. It made zero sense to me, but I realize that when they are in the fog of a new R they tend to make no sense at all.

[Chris73]

We have matching yin yang necklaces that fit together like puzzle pieces and she was wearing hers. I asked her why and she replied that she wore a sweater today and it looked stupid without a necklace.

If it were me I wouldn't believe that for a second. I think she wanted you to notice (either consiously or subconsiously), but she would never admit it given the situation.

Maybe next time you notice something like this, don't say anything...

[fightin]

Chris, yes, that would have been the wise thing to do, but I was just taken a back and a little disgusted. Doesn't excuse me from letting my emotions once again control my actions, but I'm learning little by little.

Thanks for the 2x4, I'm certain even after the move I'll still need them from time to time, but hey that's what we're all here for right?

[Chris73]

fightin, you're doing way better than me. It took me 5 months to get my emotions in check and finally detach and I made a TON of mistakes during that time!

[fightin]

Well I believe my saving grace has been finding this forum and buying the book within 24 hours of the BD. This forum and the people here have literally saved my life and kept me going in a time I initially thought there was no more reason to carry on.

[cheesyt]

Fightin it’ll take a while to get a decent handle on the emotions, especially around your W.
I’m sure once you’re physically separated and don’t live under the same roof you will find it easier.

In the beginning I took it day by day, literally, I’d be so glad at night that I made it one more day. It was a huge accomplishment.

I’m glad you have your family as a support system. A good support system is one of the best things, on here as well as physically around you.

Something my IC told me once, don’t focus on what you’ve lost, instead try to think of what you gained.
Hang in there!

-cheesyt

[fightin]

Thanks cheesy! Yes, we have NC currently unless we are both home and that is only when my SS is there so once I move there should be NC at all unless we need to discuss finances or something strictly business related. This will help me a lot.

I've already gotten past the waiting for a text phase so I'm pretty proud of that. She used to text me some still, but she didn't like that I wasn't very chatty so she just stopped which is fine by me. I'd rather have a clean break than hang on to something that's not there.

I am absolutely looking forward to finding myself and falling in love with myself. I have always struggled with that and it is something I'm committed to changing and have entered therapy to change my negative thinking and self-talk.

[hawker]

I agree with the emotions, you have done a good job I think, I am like Chris...it has taken me months to get to this point...you will still have some ups and downs as I have and other people have mentioned on here. It took me along time to sleep through the night, I always woke up early and kept thinking I was living a nightmare....

I am glad that you are going to work on yourself because you are the most important!!

[fightin]

Up until last night I've woken up every morning around 2 am and was unable to go back to sleep. Last night I woke at 3 am, but was able to go back to sleep within an hour. It was nice! I can totally relate to the waking up to a nightmare.