I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time. In my opinion, the first thing you should do is respect your son's decision to stay with his mom; don't push him to come home with you. Clearly there are issues between the two of you. I think a good place to start would be to find a good family counselor and discuss the issues with the counselor. Over time you'll be able to build a bridge to your son, but it will have to start with you and you need to back off.
