First Post

[2Tours]

Cristy, Thank you for reaching out and we have an excellent therapist. As well my wife has her own therapist for her needs too. The more I look into this the more MLC it becomes in nature.

Today she calls me to telll me she scheduled surgery for mid-March...now shes moving out Dec 1st to get her own place and we will be trying for a couple of months to see what we have left. Here is my question...she leases an apartment for 3 months, no longer. And when she tells me her surgery date, I tested her by metioning that she will have to miss a trip we have for my company to a tropical location and without hesitation asked me the date and told me she was mad, as she really wanted to go. How do I take this from a woman who is living with the OM for now and gettting her own place in December?

I think shes torn and I have been using LRT for the last week....seeing a difference in her this past week.

[2Tours]

One other point, she asked me if I knew a mover she could use, as she wouldnt ask at work because she doesn't want anyone to know? Why? And why not as OM?

[j20a00g]

You 100000% have to stop looking at and dissecting every word from her. She will contradict herself 15 times before breakfast and you will lose your mind trying to make logic out of it.

[sandi2]

You may want to check out the MLC section of the board. The newcomer section is like goulash....a little of everything thrown in the pot. Have you previously researched MLC? I was just wondering, since you feel she fits the mode.

[2Tours]

I read almost every link in the MLC area and most of the posts. I am reading My WIfe Doesn't Love Me Anymore and I see so many parallels. This area of the board has been so helpful and I think helped me understand what's driving her behavior. Know this has allowed me space to see that I has a role in this but not to the level I felt. What she's experiencing in my review of this started in the Spring of this year and I hadn't picked up on it until I read about MLC.

So I think I am in a better place and I know now more of what lies ahead.....I am GAL and continuing to use LRT as I see positive results in it. I want to enter our trial separation on high note as her last thoughts of me will be very positive and maybe wondering if I am still the saftey net?

[2Tours]

We are working on what she is going to take with her when she moves out to her apartment. And I am sticking with LRT, so she's been easier to deal with and reaches out to me now.

One question I have for everyone, why is it that my wife doesn't want to let our neighbors, people at are club or anyone at work to know that we are separated? Has anyone else dealt with this?

[Cristy]

Hello 2Tours,

Don't be concerned about why your wife doesn't want others to know that you are separated. Often times, it is easier to reconcile without dealing with extra people being in the know. Plus, you don't want "helpful" and "well-meaning" people to inadvertently make the situation worse.

I strongly urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting coach as soon as possible. There is much that can be done. Call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004

Cristy

[2Tours]

Cristy, I will try to call this weekend. We are already working with a therapist and she has her own counselor as well. I know that she is MLC and that where she is at right now is replay. She may act towards me in a way that is nice, but at the same time she is planning to move on with her life. I am working on GAL myself and preparing for what my answer will be. I don't think the trial separation will change much for her, as she is going to work on her relationship wth OM, even though she will have her own place. So that will help me GAL and decide my choice, which at the end of this, I will have to be comfortable with.

I know from all of the MLC posts, that I am in a place of little hope and that I need to stay strong and work my DR plan. I am reading, working out, doing a lot with friends and family....so I am alright. I have been through and survived worse in my first M and I will overcome this too if thats what plays out. It is a period of adjustment and disappointment in that she can't see what she is leaving behind and the cost of it. I can only hope that through counseling and some self reflection, the light goes on for her, as I GAL.

[Dawgs]

One other point, she asked me if I knew a mover she could use, as she wouldnt ask at work because she doesn't want anyone to know? Why? And why not as OM?

Her way to keeping you under her thumb. She keeps you engaged and in the background...maybe as a backup or maybe easing you along giving you the pretense that you are helping her - sort of in a way to ease her mind by making you feel better, if that makes sense.

[fightin]

Jeep74 is correct. My W is doing the same to me except she is trying to "help" me to ease her mind. I let her know I no longer need her help as she is moving on with the OW and has fired me as her W (totally stole that from someone on here). It drives her crazy when I tell her I don't need her help, but I have boundaries and I'm not going to aide her in easing her conscious for her decisions. You shouldn't with your W either. It can be difficult when you've always been each other's rock and comfort, but letting go of that is essential for you to work on yourself.

Keep your head up and stay strong!