Maybell 40

[Maybell]

The reason I sound down and uncertain is usually that I'm here for a vent session. LOL. Then I have to answer details and I realize how much I have to be grateful for.

So the family of origin myth about Maybell is that she's a super-smart indoor person who always has her nose in a book, is unorganized and not terribly practical, leads with her feelings, doesn't have a lot of interest or skill in athletic activities. The family value system is that we are ambitious people who all want to be very well-off. So I married a super smart, not very athletic guy with a lot of career potential (realized). And I ended up lonely, always doing things on my own or when it wouldn't inconvenience Mr. Fantastic, and he's so proud of his career success that he celebrates it by hitting the bars and sleeping with women who are impressed with his job title.

Clearly that combination didn't work.

Oh, and I dated lots of guys who were lawyers, had degrees from places like Harvard or Stanford (once, both) etc. Looking back, though, the one guy I was most excited about I never even went on a date with him, because he was a contractor with a really thick Southern accent. I've always regretted that. It was horribly shallow of me, and I really liked him and felt comfortable around him. (We met at a New Year's Eve party, and he kissed me, very nicely, at midnight)...

So when I was looking at my future during the divorce, I resolved that I wasn't going date any executives or anybody whose chief qualification was professional. At the same time, I was GALing like mad, mostly alone, and I decided that whoever I went out with was going to have to be the sort of person who was adventurous enough to take me to do the things I was too chicken to do by myself. Like kayaking, or hiking, etc. Someone who wanted to do more on a date than dinner and a movie.

Well. My Guy is a serious outdoorsman. He has an ice augur for ice fishing, for pete's sake! He's not the sharpest guy I've ever met and he can be pretty stubborn. He never just rolls over and does what I tell him I expect him to do. But he DOES express himself quite clearly. He NEVER has to be asked to help out -- he'll come over in the evenings and start helping me empty the dishwasher just because it needs doing sometimes. We go hiking and kayaking (he owns one...) and he is always on the lookout for some little festival or community event for us to participate in, with the kids or without them. The interests we don't share tend to be complementary. He wants to go fishing; I'll sit in the boat next to him and read a big fat history book, and we're both happy. That sort of thing.

He is ambitious for the things a decent profession can add to his life (like the ability to travel, or support a family) without being ambitious for success in itself. He TALKS to me, a ton, and sometimes asks for my opinion and takes my advice, which Mr. Fantastic (among others) rarely did.

When I say I went outside my type, I mean -- I spent some time finding out what my type really is. I didn't just go back to the same well over again. But I've also done my due diligence on My Guy. He's way more than just a type at this point. He just checks different boxes than the ones I always assumed mattered to me.

Does that help?