I think Lim was referring to the sentence in bold. Why are you so sure she will come back?
Quote:
She will come back, but now I need to know if I'm in a position to accept and trust her.
IMHO, the unfaithful S must earn trust. If she is willing to do the necessary work to save the MR, then a transparency plan should be used, as well as a few more additional things.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My wife was served with the divorce papers by my attorney.
Since walking out she had demanded a divorce and told me that our relationship was no longer healthy.
She already found a place (not telling me where) and once I started backing away and limiting my contact, the ultimatums started coming in. "We need to meet here, so we can discuss X", "I'm not paying any bills this month because I no longer live here", "I need access to the home from X to X time" or the most famous was "Sell everything by X date or I'm filing for divorce!"
Eventually I had enough of the games and just filed.
When I learned she was served I thought she would be thrilled, but instead she was livid. And then came to the home with friends and family intending to get "her half".
However, things did not work out that way. Once I presented a copy of my lawyer's name, number, and the filing I only limited her to get her clothing , any big ticket items were left alone. A lot of her personal items, that I carefully took the time to box up and organize, she rummaged through and left. When it was all done she left in a huff of anger and laughter.
For a woman who claimed to have left me because she feared for her life and found it hard to live with me, kept trying to take every opportunity to follow me around the home try to argue with me(how dare I file against her) and berate me.
Before she stormed out, I thanked her family for coming to help her and asked her friends to look after her.
The experience [censored], but I'm also thankful for it as well. I do not wish her any ill will. I love her dearly, but I also realize I have to save myself and keep to my principles of calmness and forgiveness.
I know it will get better and that miracles can happen. I have gone from dreading the next day to seeing what excitement and weird twist each day can bring.
The strain on my relationship has gotten worse, but my personal life has gotten much better.
Old friends and family, even some people whom married into my family but left due to messy divorces, have been showing up to support me from far and wide. I have been getting words of encouragement, nice letters, visits, the works from friends, family, and colleagues.
It has all been overwhelming because it feels like the aftermath of a funeral, but I'm thankful for all the people, in the dozens, whom have come out to help and support me.
I also came to realize I am not the cause for the recent issues in my marriage and my spouse's actions. It has become clearer to me that I am either dealing with a mentally unstable person, a narcissist who has no use for me, someone that may have done something they are extremely ashamed off and therefore must "blame me" to make themselves feel better, or a combination of the three.
I usually have a plan or a "feeling" for the future, for the first time in my life I have no idea what may happen next. But most importantly, I'm not worried, things will come, and good stuff will happen :-D .
Things have calmed down a bit, I'm starting to get less and less worried about what my former wife is doing and more worried about her soul.
The person I married, vowed to never leave, and said she would always be there for me has turned into full blown angry narcissist that was on a war path after I served her the papers. That day she spent more time insulting and berating me, than she did gathering up her stuff. Perhaps she has mellowed out a few days, but I doubt it because in her mind she is on the side of "right" and her walking out was showing world that she was reclaiming her "life".
I recently went on a short trip out of town at the invitation of friends. It was to do a bunch of bar and club hopping around a nearby city, something that was never my scene but something that my former spouse loves and always complained about missing out on.
The time was not horrible, but I still was lonely and bored out of my mind. What really was a kicker is that I we wound up at a spot across the street from where my wife and I had stopped at the day I purposed. It was surreal as I had not been to that particular part of that city since that day many years ago.
Just sitting back and waiting for my former wife to respond to my divorce filing. Prior to her walking out I had no idea I would be in this position. It is all out of my hands now.
I just saw your username and fightin's username is a couple of messages down. It reminded me of the band Five for Fighting. I really like their song titled "100 Years." Sorry, I have a username fetish...
My youngest son devours Cheez-It crackers by the box. Your name always reminds me of him; one of the two sweetest and wonderful boys on the planet. Warm and cuddly feelings.
That's the thing.......it is okay for them to be the one who does the dumping, but heaven forbid if they experience being the one who gets dumped. That's what she's mad about, b/c she wanted to be the one who did the dumping! Crazy? Of course it is!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2, I guess I can sort of see it, but it makes no sense to me because she spent a large chunk of the marriage trying to find anything that was "wrong" to justify vilifying me or looking for a way out.
My thing is if she wanted out so bad she could have just been upfront and honest. Not provoke a friend into trying to fight me and then using it as an excuse to "run".
