As for your questions. Would I take her back? As time goes by the chance for that to happen gets smaller and smaller. As of December 31 2015 I closed a few windows and doors on XW. There might be a crack under the garage door but she would have to do so much.
This is solid Irish .... and its the right stance to have. Its not only protecting yourself but also your two little (well not so little) ones. Its actually the one regret I have was allowing mine back to fast knowing she was not fully baked thinking I could watch the pot boil .... this was a mistake that set me back a bit, but at the time I felt it was the right thing to do.
Originally Posted By: Irish M
What I feel about her? It's a mixture of emotions. Feeling sorry for her comes and go's, what she is missing in the girls lives is gone. She will not be able to relive because time doesn't stand still. That hurts my heart. Love, because she was my love. I feel like she passed on and I am unable to mourn her death. An emptiness that will take a while to fill.
This part jumped at me and I wanted to comment a bit. I completely felt this way, its like you are unable to mourn someone in a coma ... they are still there .. sorta... and it provides this limbo feeling that one desires/craves closure on one way or the other. Over time, I realized I was in love with the memory of her, who I seen through the rose colored contacts that I had no idea I was wearing. So ..... I decided to do just that, I accepted I really loved her back then, accepted I will never love another that way ... not even her, all that innocence is gone. I look back on my M fondly and often think of memories and events here and there and actually smile .... its just that ..... time, over time I allowed the good to flood out the bad refusing to allow MLC to steal 26 years, I will only give it the 3 or so and keep the good 23. It will just take time Irish ... keep working and healing.
Originally Posted By: Irish M
Forgive her. I have already. I forgive her for what she did to me. Can I forgive her for what she did to our girls. Answer is NO. I would still have a long way to go for that to happen, and it doesn't look good. She would have to do so much work to rebuild her relationship with them. If by miracle she did that and was a Mom of all moms to them again. I would.
Another issue that brought up something for me. I too thought I forgave her. Turns out I kinda put all that stuff in a box, placed it on a shelf because I was tired of dealing with it. When she came back in Mar15 I was forced to pull that box down and deal with all that emotion of betrayal/confusion/pain again. I was not strong enough nor ready at that point, I recall it shocked me how intense the emotions were after a few years, and though I thought I forgave her I really didn't. The fact she had not done the work made it tough. Currently .... I honestly can not say I have truly forgiven her, and as far as I am concerned that's ok ... its not eating me up, I like you do not hate ... but I am just not ready to give a free pass after 3+ years of this, in time I strive to get there but being honest and looking at what true forgiveness is I admit I am not there... YET.
As far as what they do/did to the kids ... I have been stuck on that for a few months. I question what my S9 thinks "Marriage" looks like, is it simply Mom saying she was done moving out and presenting OM a month later at Christmas.... he was to young to actually see what we were like in the "good times" and it makes me cringe a bit. As fathers we do what we can, being the lighthouse is more than just for the MLCr its more important to the family and you are doing an epic job in that area. [/quote]
XW went quiet on the weekend. I guess she doesn't want to secretly text another man and disrespect him. Good to see her values coming back. lol
I did however get one today. - All about her losing all our friends, - Having to create a new life because everyone just hates her. - That her kids abandoned her (I guess she doesn't remember telling them she doesn't want to be their mom). - That people around her don't care that she is changing and what becomes of her. - That she feels dead inside and she has no choice to go into survival mode to save herself.
Then last sentence. Out of no where writes " So, D16 did she chose what she wants to study in college?"
All I replied was a question. So you think the girls abandoned you. You left them and not once ask me how they were during this last year and 3 months. Why is that?
Her reply: you probably wouldn't have answered me.I'm tired, have a good day.
I think she will be quiet for a few weeks. Until Xmas gets close. The full moon was tonight I also think that had a lot to do with last weeks texts. Liquids in the brain and the tide changes from a full moon can even make sane people lose it, imagine what it does to MLC'ers
Wishing you all a good week. Irish
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More reflection from her, vocalizing to you and starting to realize all she has lost ... FantasyLand must be losing its shine a bit most likely because the same demons she was running from followed her and have caught up. I suspect this reflection will continue and she may test you a bit.
