I can't sleep which is my new normal, that and not eating. I've dropped about 13lbs since 11-3. Not the way I wanted to lose weight, but I suppose I'll take it. Sleeping alone has also become my new normal. I asked her to sleep elsewhere until I move out and she complied saying sleeping next to me feels like cheating on her gf. That cut pretty deep considering I'm her wife and being with the OW doesn't feel like cheating on me.
I'll never be able to wrap my head around how she went from "No, I'm madly in love with my wife and wouldn't cheat on her." to "ILYBINILWY and can't cheat on my gf anymore." in a matter of 3.5 weeks. It isn't for me to figure out, I know, but it boggles my mind.
I've made it clear that she will be the one to file for divorce and as we discussed finances last night she confessed that would a ways away because she wants to keep all of our toys so money will be extremely tight for her so divorce is the last thing on her mind right now. I guess as long as I'm gone and she can live her life with the OW she doesn't mind staying legally married. Fine by me too. Gives me more time to keep DBing. I don't know that I have any hope left for us, but either way when the D does come I'll be able to sign off knowing I've done all I know how.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I'd like to correct my last post. I'll keep DBing no matter what, if she were to file tomorrow I'd still be committed to working on myself so I shouldn't have associated the lack of formal divorce with whether or not I'll continue this journey. I will continue because I owe it to myself to be committed to a better me.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I'd like to correct my last post. I'll keep DBing no matter what, if she were to file tomorrow I'd still be committed to working on myself so I shouldn't have associated the lack of formal divorce with whether or not I'll continue this journey. I will continue because I owe it to myself to be committed to a better me.
Hi Fightin. That's great to hear! We do only have one choice, to work on ourselves. I know that I have read so many books on relationships, psychology, meditation, happiness, self development etc that I am definitely becoming a better person from all the experiences in the marriage. Its been the catalyst for self-reflection, and its been (and still is) very painful, but without that pain its so very hard for most of us to grow.
No matter where my marriage ends up, I know that one day in the future I will look back and know that it was meant to happen, its what was needed on my personal journey. As of now, I hope that future still includes my wife in a new relationship with me, but either way we have to look forward...
Keep on working on you, you know you deserve it!
M 46 W 41 MR 17 T 18 S12 D14 S17
03/15 : ILYBINILWY 10/15 : IDLYA 01/16 : "I'm sacrificing to stay in the marriage for the kids!" 10/16 : She discusses Seperation BUT...she's still here..for now
I'd like to correct my last post. I'll keep DBing no matter what, if she were to file tomorrow I'd still be committed to working on myself so I shouldn't have associated the lack of formal divorce with whether or not I'll continue this journey. I will continue because I owe it to myself to be committed to a better me.
only your nickname implies it! you just keep in fightin'! I am very glad to see you doing it further, to keep on working and fighting because as you have said - you owe it to myself. you really do. I do understand very well what you've tried to say up there and that's definiely true!
Oluwa, thanks for the encouragement. Everything is so new for me that I'm still constantly stumbling over my emotions, but I know I'm headed in the right direction towards a healthier and better self so I'm trying to stay focused on that. I know I can only control my own actions, so I will.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Thank you Buits88, first the nickname was fighting for my marriage, but now it has become more about fighting for myself. Thanks for the words of encouragement and for all the wisdom you share here as well. I don't often comment on other's posts because I'm so new I more often feel like I'm flailing in the waters and I don't have anything to offer in the way of advice or support, but I do read here a lot and the wealth of knowledge and experience here is inspiring!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
I don't often comment on other's posts because I'm so new I more often feel like I'm flailing in the waters and I don't have anything to offer in the way of advice or support, but I do read here a lot and the wealth of knowledge and experience here is inspiring!
fightin,
Your user name constantly reminds me of the 1974 song "Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting."
Chorus:
Everybody was kung-fu fighting Those kicks were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightening But they fought with expert timing
You shouldn't be timid about posting. You don't have to post advice; often a few words of sympathy mean a lot more than offering advice.
Ha, I rather enjoy that song myself. I used to randomly sing it at home as a teenager. Thanks for the moment of nostalgia!
Sympathy I have plenty to give, but I'll be forever grateful for finding this forum, especially so early on in my journey.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Tonight was difficult, happy, and just plain weird. Today is my stepson's birthday and we unfortunately made it a sad one since we decided to tell him about our split yesterday. He went through the angry stage trying to push me away and said it didn't matter anyway since I'm not his real mom. My W scolded him for saying those things and I told her not to, that his feelings are natural and she needs to let them run their course.
After that he was very sorry and he let me just snuggle him for about 30 min and told me that was the best birthday present he could have asked for. He's a bit of a heart-melter.
The weird part is my W always wants to interact verbally as though we are pals. It drives her nuts when I'm distant. Well actually that isn't the weirdest thing. We have matching yin yang necklaces that fit together like puzzle pieces and she was wearing hers. I asked her why and she replied that she wore a sweater today and it looked stupid without a necklace. She has several so why that one? She also kept staring at me and crying while our boy was showing us his video game. That may have been just about her hurting for him, but why stare at me? Odd behavior from her for sure.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Something you said earlier made me chuckle. The part about her feeling like she's cheating on her gf with you.
It's the same exact thing in my sitch. A month or 2 ago I actually mentioned that to her (pre solid DB days). Mentioned that I wouldn't tell OM if she hugged me and it's not cheating hahaha
Man it's so crazy to me how crazy people are! Before this forum and s ton of other online reading, I felt so alone in my "unique" situation only to realize that my situation is a nickel a dozen. I'm not alone!
Keep doing your thing.
34, xw33 M-10, T-18 2D (8 and 5) Ilybinilwy-1/16 EA/PA- 7/15-present (with my former best friend) Trial apartment-2/16 (also when she considers us separated) W moved out-8/16 W Filed 11/21/16 D final 1/30/17
