Jeep74, Thank you for your input, I've read your posts and I see similarities. My WS is has not had that level of depression or extreme thoughts. I found out too after we married and we still had many years of happiness. I can attribute much of what's happening now to stress from a job she feels she in over her head with, turning 52 and wanting to stay young...talks about life is short, getting older,etc....and unhappiness with self. I don't have a lot of hope for our M, but as I read these books and forum posts, I have a better understanding of the condition. I will take this as another step in my process and keep moving forward.
The cracks started really appearing when our daughter turned the same age as when my ex's abuse started. Looking back, the flags were there. All of them. I just chose to overlook them because I thought that's how she was. Boy was I wrong.
I got the books, too. Followed the advice given (which was great). Everything. I guess my ex is different, because all of it had the opposite affect of what was intended.
See, in our counseling, she came out and said that she was famous for leaving relationships at the drop of a hat. And she had this "image" of how marriage's are supposed to be due to her grandparents...which she only saw what was given in front of them and not behind closed doors. But she never wanted to believe that and lived in a fantasy of that's how all marriages are - well, the good ones. Seems that she wasn't cut out for the day-to-day things in a marriage. So, when things didn't go that way, she bolts.
And you should have heard all of her excuses. Good grief.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
