Struggling

[fightin]

I can't sleep which is my new normal, that and not eating. I've dropped about 13lbs since 11-3. Not the way I wanted to lose weight, but I suppose I'll take it. Sleeping alone has also become my new normal. I asked her to sleep elsewhere until I move out and she complied saying sleeping next to me feels like cheating on her gf. That cut pretty deep considering I'm her wife and being with the OW doesn't feel like cheating on me.

I'll never be able to wrap my head around how she went from "No, I'm madly in love with my wife and wouldn't cheat on her." to "ILYBINILWY and can't cheat on my gf anymore." in a matter of 3.5 weeks. It isn't for me to figure out, I know, but it boggles my mind.

I've made it clear that she will be the one to file for divorce and as we discussed finances last night she confessed that would a ways away because she wants to keep all of our toys so money will be extremely tight for her so divorce is the last thing on her mind right now. I guess as long as I'm gone and she can live her life with the OW she doesn't mind staying legally married. Fine by me too. Gives me more time to keep DBing. I don't know that I have any hope left for us, but either way when the D does come I'll be able to sign off knowing I've done all I know how.