If you are doing family things, I would invite her along once in a while. It would give her a sense of what she's missing when she's not around you and the kids (as a family unit). You could phrase your invite as: "wife, the children are going to see a movie, would you like to join us?" This gives her the option to say yes or no. It's whatever you feel comfortable in doing. I don't see once in a while as cake eating and you would have to keep your expectations at zero.
Check out Kyh's thread. You might get some good info from his threads.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
