The cliff at the top of the mountain.

[DonH]

I'm glad to see you gave him a chance and even happier that it didn't back fire, since I suggested you do it while others said to cut him lose. I know you'd never blame me but I'd still feel bad if it backfired. Great lessons here in that you told him what you needed and he can either step up or not. See how he noticed? This is huge for me and many guys. So many women just expect us to know. I know I often do not and that often kills things for me - it may have happened this weekend but that's a story for my thread. Anyhow, you see his reaction and it's been positive. Whether this works out or not, hopefully you are seeing the positive reaction to showing what you want and need and for teaching people how to treat you.

Now these self emposed rules of yours... What is the sense of having these "rules" if you break them on every date? Self emposed rule to not get in a guys car on the first date - yet you do it anyhow. Self exposed rule not to go to a guys house on the second date, yet you do it. I don't know if those rules are good or bad but if they are yours why are you breaking them? Just a question.

I also fear you may take things too quickly with thus guy. I again revert back to my own behaviors and know I could have that happen if someone reciprocated. It's been so long and we want it so bad. You will say you are taking things slow right up until you say you broke another self emposed rule. In fact perhaps wanting it so bad is why rules get broken even though we should not break them.

One of the great things about you, and there are many, is you are willing to look at yourself and improve. Many are so defensive that change can't even start because they are too busy denying it's a problem. You have the ability to see in hindsight that as long as you were willing to dive three hours ex was willing to date you. Take away your willingness to do that and the R stops. You see that now. The next challenge is to see it when it's happening

Finally, what's up with all the previous long distance things? I've had the same... 3 hours, 4 hours, 10 hours, 2 hours. Those under an hour have been one and done. Just wants up with that? Rhetorical question there.

GO SLOW and please either follow your rules or change them. You've been trying to be everything the guy wants. That's great but now the guy needs to be everything you want as well - both of you putting in 100/100 rather than you putting in 100 and the guy putting in 25.