Struggling

[fightin]

Well she beat me to saying anything. She had been spending the weekend with the OW and came over to talk to let me know she'd made a decision. She doesn't want to be with me, but wants to start a new life with the OW and said she wants a divorce. Since the house is solely in her name she wants me out as soon as possible. She

[fightin]

She wants to tell her son tonight that we are getting a divorce. We decided to tell him together. He's going to be so hurt, he doesn't bond easily, but he and I are close so this will rock his world. I'm not looking forward to seeing him hurt.

[Chris73]

fightin. I'm so sorry that this has escalated so quickly for you. I'm sure you feel like your entire world is crumbling. I'm not going to offer advice right now, just sympathy. Stay strong.

[MoveFrwd]

Fightin -

Please do not just move out. Discuss with a lawyer and make sure you understand your state's laws. You are legally married - I cant imagine she can just force you to leave, regardless of whose name is on the house.

[fightin]

I want to move out. She bought the house before we met and I do not want to try to coexist with her here. She has made it very clear that she wants the new woman to move in.

At this point I just want to start the healing process and focus on myself.

She has repeatedly stated that the OW isn't interested in the kinds of things we do together, plus she has physical limitations that prevent her from doing things like riding UTVs/ATVs and motorcycles which are two things my STBX and I love doing together. She also said the OW currently is a homebody and my STBX let her know that she won't put up with that because she likes to go-go-go.

I said to her "So you're going into this expecting her to change for you and that you're okay giving up the things you enjoy to be with her? And you're sure this is what you want to do just 1 month in?" She replied that the OW makes her so happy that she doesn't see it as compromising anything. She also said she knows it is possible that 1 month into this she might regret it all, but that's a risk she's willing to take and if it does happen then she deserves it. That last part she sure has right. I can't possibly see how my STBX could live a happy life with someone that can't keep up with her need for speed and fun, but best of luck to them both.

[cheesyt]

Hi fightin, just read your thread.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. It's never easy. I think focusing on yourself is certainly a step in the right direction.

hang in there!

[fightin]

Thank you. It is always devastating, but didnt expect to end up here in less than 10 days. Well 9 days for me, but I guess about a month from her perspective. Not sure if how fast it happened was a blessing or not. Either way I'm committed to moving forward. This forum has been a huge blessing to me for sure and I will continue to post and read others posts for the encouragement and support.

[MoveFrwd]

I want to move out. She bought the house before we met and I do not want to try to coexist with her here. She has made it very clear that she wants the new woman to move in.

I would still advise to discuss with a lawyer before you take any action like that. Moving out could impact your potential alimony or may forfeit some other rights.

Im not saying you SHOULDNT move out. Just that you should make sure that it is for your best interest.

That said, I would stop all talk about your R or about OW. Any talks you have right now are only going to hurt you in the long run.

[fightin]

The only talking we will be doing now is telling her son together, dividing our possessions, and sorting out the finances.

[fightin]

So we told her S11, he was crushed at first, but then she took him outside to explain she'd found a new love and was happier than ever so he came back inside to tell me he's just glad that we are both so happy. I wasn't going to correct him so I just said "me too". It was heart breaking at first, lots of crying and saying he can't imagine life without me. Crushed me as I don't want this and hate to hurt him, but I'm powerless as far as this goes. He drew me a sweet picture and I just broke down. My STBX came over and wanted to comfort me, I wanted nothing more than to let her, but I gently pushed her away and told her I didn't need her to comfort me. She looked pretty angry about that, but didn't say anything.

We already got the finances straightened out and that was a weight off of my shoulders. I'm not doing very good at DBing tonight as everything is so fresh and moving at warp speed and I'm letting my anger show. I'm not raising my voice or anything, but I'm being short with her and she isn't liking it. She keeps saying "I'm just trying to be nice" or "I'm just trying to help". I say "I know, but I don't need you to be." I don't have any sort of poker face so I'm wearing my hurt and anger on my sleeve.