bigybiz, that's a good question. I don't know the answer. I think I am using right and should interchangeably. We all should work on our M and it is the right thing to do--we made a promise--and especially if we have children, then they deserve a family that is together. But people do change. Circumstances happen. We learn more about one another as we go through life. Some of these things do lead to an incompatibility. If my mom and dad stayed together, I honestly don't think it would have ever worked. As hard as it was for me growing up, I can see that them being together would have been damaging as well. My mom wasn't happy with him and they were different.
In my own M, I don't feel that way. My H and I are very compatible. We do care for each other, we have similar interests and values, and our children are doing much better with us being together. My personal issue is that I still have not fully forgiven him. I don't know that I ever will. He broke our vows, hurt me and the kids, and essentially gave up on our M for over a year. It would be the right thing for me to stay and continue to work on it. I will do that because I want to.
However if time goes by and something changes or my feelings change, I will not feel obligated to stay. I did not marry someone I thought could ever be unfaithful. At that point I imagine things will be amicable because we have been talking about this for some time now. He knew coming back they things were different.
Perhaps we all define these things differently--right, should, amicable--and so I dont think there are any wrong or right answers. We are all different and have to do the best we can.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
