Hello...can you hear me?

[Georgiabelle]

Hi Everyone,

I have been hanging on the MLC board for (gasp!!!) almost 3 years and decided this is where the party is at. I can't find my old thread (I've been reading-not posting as of late) but love the energy and advice on this thread. Soooooooo.....I just did a pirouette into this forum. I am forever grateful for the wonderful people on this board. Seriously. This board was a true life saver for my stubborn self.

Last week would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. I'm not gonna lie. That day elicited a wave of emotions both good and bad. I am forever grateful for my time with x Mr. GB and I really thought we would be together forever. I now realize that I may not fully understand what truly transpired and I am okay with that-most days. That darn logical and pragmatical side of me gets the best of me some days. And I always remind myself (because I really do believe it), that both ex Mr. GB and myself did the best we could with the tools we had. So, my goal has been to work fervently on having better tools in my box. Even though I am very much a fun loving, free spirit, I do NOT want to turn into a mother again in any romantic relationships. That isn't sexay and was (I believe) a big catalyst in the implosion of my m. My goal is to be a mom to my kids and the dog. No grown ups:)

My peeps are doing well. My D is 11 going on 35 and my boys are super sweet. We have been enjoying family time with my x inlaws. They are superbly wonderful people and I massively hit the jackpot. X Mr. GB hasn't spoken to them in almost 3 years and hopefully one day he will mend that fence with them. They miss him and love him. However, I do not discuss that with him. That is what I did way back when and now I just keep my mouth closed. X Mr. GB and I have a cordial relationship. I am the only person from his former life he interacts with and I'm well aware it is because we do have 3 kids together. He moved further away with his gf as she just got her first job. He has said she doesn't want kids and from what few interactions she has with the peeps (he doesn't see them terribly often), she is thoughtful and nice to them. Hey-all good by me.

As I mentioned on my prior thread, I have this super duper awesome guy in my life. One of my guy friends set me up with him and I didn't want to go. And I am so glad I did. He. Is. Awesome. He treats me like I am coconut gelato and is fantastic with my kids. My D is has a very strained R with her dad so it is nice that she gets along with my new dude (I'm waaaay toooo old to say BF). She also is cultivating positive relationships with her Uncles and my x FIL. It's great to see. I want my kids to believe in love and M.....just like I still do. Even when I see stuff every day that blows my mind. D knows her Dad loves her, however, he is still very much in a selfish phase and says things to her and the boys that are not really conducive to strengthening their R. However, that may come in time. That's on him. He has in the last few months brought up places we went in the past or funny things that happened. I admit that sometimes I feel a surge of sadness when he does and other times I just try to remember it for what it was. A sweet or funny moment in life.

I don't know. I try not to spend too much time thinking of the future because I realize I'm not really in control of that. The new dude (let's call him ND but not for Notre Dame) has been very patient with me. He has a cordial relationship with his ex although she is struggling with him being with someone new. This isn't mindreading. It's factual and I have told him that I am happy to meet her if that will ease her concerns/trepidation/sadness about their D spending time with me. His ex seems like a sweet lady and a great mom. They have known each other for over 20 years so I think it's very nice that my NG wants her to be happy. Their D is the same age as my youngest so we have some fun football Saturdays.

I love reading everyone's posts here and watching people emerge through the pain of D. Take those new journeys in life. I'm not sure I will ever really "get over it" per se and I'm not sure it is something one should. I do know that I can learn and move forward. And I'm just trying to enjoy my life in the moment.

Looking forward to visiting more often!