This much I know is true

[BluWave]

I wrote that late at night, so please excuse the "chose" instead of "choose," sheesh. Smh.

Cadet, thank you for sharing. You bring up some great points. I am not sure there is any right or wrong answer to this either. Everyone has to move forward in a way that works for them. I think most Ds are not amicable but I can't believe that there is no such thing. Some people do make the choice to remain amicable and pleasant for the sake of the kids alone and I think that's a respectable choice. Others don't or can't, and that is okay too. There are ways we can still love and support our kids through this.

My parents got D when I was 5 and it was not amicable for many years. It was difficult and there were a lot of hard feelings. My brother and I were shuffled back and forth, the resentment was palpable, and it made for a lonely childhood. I think the part that was hardest, was not the D alone, but they didn't address our needs and feelings. My mother remarried and my dad never did. When my brother and I reached adulthood, things slowly changed. My mom realized that she wanted to see her family on every holiday and special occasion, and that by including my dad this could be possible. So after 15 yrs of D, it changed. And somehow it worked. As the years went by, they became more and more pleasant and almost had a friendship. So when we reached adulthood, we saw our parents at every holiday and the grandchildren (our kids) were able to see them all more often as well.

As hard as it was in my early childhood, I can see that their M would have not worked out even if my mom stuck around. They were such different people and had very different expectations of M and gender roles. Her and my step-father set an example of love and mutual respect, and they were a better match. So while none of this was ideal, it worked out okay in the end. I do think my father was always lonely, but I don't think it's fair to blame my mom for that.

So I would never suggest that all Ds should be amicable or that people should go against their feelings to make that happen. I don't believe there is no such thing tho.

Blu