Hi Friend! I think think you did hit on something there. Feelings of abandonment. I feel as if most of the people in my life chose to abandon me, and it is beginning to get old. My dad left the house when my parents split, he was my rock and I felt abandoned, even though he was still there motionally, my mom took her life, my ex did what he did with no remorse, and abandoned me in every way he could the second he told me he was leaving, and exNG I trusted, loved, and I felt abandoned by him too. I am angry, honestly, that he gave what I asked for to someone else in a blink of an eye. I think it is what is driving me nuts.
And I completely realized I was playing the comparisons game. And I decided to drop it. It wasn't serving me well, put up a guard, and I realized I was trying to give myself reasons not to make it work with the plumber. So I did a 180. When I said what I said he stopped. Our conversation grew, we have been texting a lot and talking on the phone and he invited me over for dinner last night. I went against my self-imposed rules and I took the invite. We had a fantastic time. he cooked me dinner, we talked and talked and he told me how different this was for him to date a girl like me and that day I came right out and asked him what his intentions were he was impressed. He realized a whole day I didn't text him and he said that was new for him too.
So, I realized I was being my own roadblock. We are going out again tomorrow night.
Funny, anyone I have dated has been at least an hour away, if not further. It was so cool to be able to leave and not have to sleep over and be home in 10 minutes. Loved it. he also made sure I texted him again when I got home. I used to drive exhausted for 3 hours from someone's house and he never made sure I got home ok. There's a comparison, but a good one.
So, to stop being my own roadblock and embrace this.
