Thank you Job, Bee, and Bttrfly. I really appreciate the words of encouragement tonight.
I asked W how her dad was doing and she just said okay. I asked about his surgery and she told me he didn't want it and wasn't going to do it. I hope he will be okay. I just told W I hoped he would be okay and to let me know if there was anything I could do for her.
Job, I can see what you say about them trying not to be around when someone is ill. She keeps going back and forth about whether or not she is going to go to her parents for Thanksgiving. She asked me (twice) if I thought it would be snowing over the mountains and said she is nervous about driving and might stay here with the kids for Thanksgiving. The year before last we drove through a bad snow storm and there were cars off the road everywhere and I almost couldn't get our car to go when traffic stopped. She thought it was last year and brought it up a couple times.
Bee, I'm sorry to read about your story. I've been trying to console my W the best I can without seeming to pursue. I will keep what you said in mind (I definitely don't want her going somewhere else for consolation). This is something I failed with my W in the past but I've learned I have an issue with dealing with death and have changed. It actually came up in one of my IC appointments and I have apologized to W about it.
Bttryfly, I'm so glad you posted that! Her issues are endometriosis and adenomyosis but I went to your link and have been researching hypothyroidism and they are related. She has a bunch of the symptoms and it makes sense. She also had to have a breast reduction a couple years before we met and had her gallbladder removed shortly before she got pregnant with our s. I bet it's all related. She didn't mention it when she was getting medical attention but they did want her to get hormone treatment and thought she needed a hysterectomy. It freaked her out and was a big part of her MLC, she has been completely against it and talking about getting old since then. At the time she told me she was scared.
Good news is last week she brought it up to me. She said she almost passed out in the shower because of her pain and she can't go on like this. She said she was thinking of having a surgery since our deductible is met for the year. She was arranging to have it done just before our friend's accident and her MLC going into full effect, then she was dead set against it. For the 2 years prior she spent a lot of time (almost every weekend) bedridden. She laid around with a heating pad and I would rub her which helped but she was in a lot of pain. She took a pain med once and had a bad reaction and won't take anything but a muscle relaxant which makes her in a bad mood.
I will try to slip this in when I ask her about the surgery. I have to be careful though. I was researching it before BD and she blew up on me, telling me it was her uterus and to mind my own business, etc. (to put it nicely). I'm going to do more reading up this week.
This week was alright but I've been worn out. The first night she had the kids s got sick again and I ended up going and getting him at 2am and he didn't go to sleep until 4:30. I ended up taking him to the dr. again the next day and he had laryngitis so he ended up going with me to my office for a couple days. S liked being with me though which is nice.
I fixed w's headlight (had to order a part which she keeps putting of paying me back for, I haven't/won't ask) this week and she was nice until Thursday night. She even sent me a text about how she really appreciated it. S's bday was Friday and we had a party for him after school. W hadn't been feeling good again and Thursday night she came over and saw a cake mix on the counter. I picked it up with d because she likes to bake with me and I thought we could make cupcakes for s's birthday. W got all po'd at me about it, it was ridiculous. She apologized the next day then said something about coming over too much and it wasn't her business what I did. Seems like she gets upset at me for almost anything she can lately but is also nice sometimes. It's hard telling who will show up.
S had a good bday and w was good to get along with but then seemed to distance more again. She went to her step s's baby shower out of town this weekend. Last night she texted she was out and wasn't going to call the kids. Weird but we were at a hockey game anyway. I sent a gift along with her and she did text today to step sil liked it and was glad to get something from me. Then tonight she texted she didn't have signal and wouldn't be calling the kids again tonight. IDK I guess I shouldn't think about it.
I found this a little weird but this week w asked me how my job search was going then asked if I could find a job in the city where we used to live when in grad school and said she might like to move back there some day. My job was one of her BD complaints.
Kids and I had a good week but I'm exhausted. My car needed a new engine which was ~10k so I ended up buying a used one and I've been partially rebuilding it after putting the kids to bed. I got a chance to get it in when w had them for a couple nights. I'm getting close to done and I can't wait to be done with that project.
