Me and Mildlife and...III

[CT1118]

CT1118 - I've been meaning to write this for a few days but kept forgetting. One brief mention you had about an interaction with your W triggered an alarm bell for me. I don't recall the exact situation but she seemed to be saying that she resents her son and that he takes too much effort and time for her. It was from when the three of you were together.

I may be reading too much into that but in the longer game I just thought I'd raise a warning light that you may want to be sure that your son is well cared for, happy and that you may be looking at having primary custody.

Again - this was from one comment on a post seen well around the curve of the planet by a guy who often misses what is right in front of him but I just thought it worth mentioning.

I hope you are well and look forward to your next post and visit.

AP, I can understand why you would think that, but it is not exactly correct. The weekend of October 29, we took him to a costume thing in our city and she had the idea to get brunch before we did that - brunch was always our thing as a family and it had been a while. On the walk thru the city to get to the place her and I were really connecting and it was clear she was really enjoying the connection. He kept interrupting and cutting us off. She did flip to the point of walking away and she mumbled something about this being why we (her and I) were in the place we were in.

As well, she definitely struggles with him when she is alone which she has expressed regularly. I am not so sure this struggle is different than any other WW or MLC, where the board is full of child abandonment and disappointment on behalf of the LBS (check out our friends RG, IT0402, Cherry for example). But disappointment is not harm's way. Her inability to frame her own life beyond her own depression of selfishness is to be expected. I have come to recognize in recent weeks that she is certainly showing symptoms of being depressed. Its in her linguistics - the way she speaks of herself, the things she says to me, the negative subtlety, the use of personal pronouns. Its in her body language - the way she looks at me, the change in approach, the appearance of loss.

You do raise a point Andrew - one which has haunted me to some degree. Not sure I have mentioned before, so why not now? If I wanted to pursue full custody or a controlling custody, I do live in a place where I could go for it. I could have chased the fact that she lets the OM around him and the OM has a recent arrest record (nonviolent). I ultimately decided that is not what I wanted. Is he well cared for, not psychologically, no, but is he in any direct harm, not from anything I have witnessed. Cadet, J3Beans, Mach1, and Job helped me get over it on the first page of my first thread here if you wish to read it. I don't want to keep my s away from my W, for either of their purposes in this world. A boy needs his mother,a boy needs his father.

They are codependent upon each other. I can see it as clear as sunrise. It ain't good. It ain't my sht either. As I have learned, all I can be is the rock, the lighthouse, the example - the best I can be. That may sound harsh regarding my son, but I have to place trust in my future self to know what to do when I get there and in his future self to have paid attention to his father and himself somewhere along the way.

I actually had a really great GAL day. Caught my journal up, watched an awesome hockey documentary, bought some clothes, made a financial plan, re-wrote my goals (they needed updating), gave dog a bath, cleaned apartment, did a bunch of pushups, hung out at the music store playing guitars for an hour. Getting ready to hit some school books. Not bad, been a while since the GAL's were this focused.